Life Changes

Sometimes you have to reevaluate. Determine whether your life is making you happy, or whether you are in control or if other external forces are. 

It's time for me to do this, to look at what I want, what my abilities are, what makes me happy. What do I really want to do? And it's time to take control of my life, whether it is good, bad, or ugly. I am a firm believer in personal responsibility, which includes not blaming other people for where you are in life. Everyone has choices, everyone has good and bad circumstances to deal with, and everyone decides how to react to their individual situation. 

Things were feeling dark for a bit, but after working through it, I am able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The end of the tunnel may not be as close as I would like .. but at least I can see it.

There is this little girl who brings me joy - who loves princess dresses, nail polish, and fire trucks. Oh how I appreciate the time I get to spend with her. She has remained a constant, that good thing that has never failed to make me smile. There is always something (or someone) to be grateful for. A young child who  has not learned to be mean or manipulative, or guarded or dishonest. In my case, a grandchild. She is pure light.

So, I have that goin' for me. :)

Thank God.

Moving forward, hopefully I will make good choices, react well to circumstances, and move in a positive direction. Working on it. Because at some point you can't sell your soul for money or anything else, and I am not willing to do that. We will see where I end up but I am unwilling to carry that heavy weight anymore. 

What to do, what to do ..

My work life has always been pretty consistent in that, other people come and go, other people get new jobs and leave, other people retire, and I stay. I am not great with change, or I should say I am not great with it at first. I will adapt, but at first I will resist and have a tough time. Best thing to do in a situation where I am confronted with big changes is to keep my doggone mouth shut until I have some time to process. 

It's especially hard for me when other people leave, I get attached and clearly I have abandonment issues.

About 6 months ago 2 of my coworkers and I had to pass a certification exam for our job that was hella hard. We took the courses together, we studied together, we worked really hard on it - together. We each had 3 tries to take the exam which was proctored and everything. And it took 3 tries! That 3rd time I made sure I got enough sleep, scheduled the exam for early afternoon when my brain seems to work the best, ate a healthy meal heavy on protein first, just did everything I could think of to prepare.

One of my coworkers and I took the exam at the same time, same day. I passed. He did not, which meant he would be let go. This certification was required for our jobs.

I was devastated. A big part of it was because of how it was done, but another part was just - no - don't make him leave! We work well together, he is a friend. But he had to go.

Yesterday my boss (best boss ever) let us know she is leaving the company, and has accepted a position elsewhere. ARGH!! WHY????

Of course I get it. People have their own path to take and she came upon this opportunity which will be better for her work/life balance which is super important. I told her I am happy for her, I appreciate why she is doing it, and understand her desire to go. But boy oh boy am I on shaky ground right now. Things like this put me into panic mode for a while, fear of the unknown, stuff like that. 

I will adjust. I will get there. But right now - I'm all - NOOOOOOOO!!!! 

Time change?

WHAT TIME CHANGE? Am I the only one who didn't realize that this is the weekend that we "spring ahead"? Finding out at 6:30 Sunday evening that it's really 7:30 is disorienting for me! Was this on the news or anything? Somebody oughta set up some kind of notification system or something. I mean really.

What are we doing messing with TIME anyway?? Argh-h-h!!