It's getting a tad bit easier. Really.

I have been writing a lot more on my 'Fat' blog than here lately. I'm sure it's because I have been insanely intense about trying to change my diet, forever. Let's face it. I grew up on Beefaroni, Mac n' cheese and tomato soup. After my parents divorced when I was 11 and it was pretty much just my mom and me, I ate what was available and what I wanted. My mom didn't get home from work till 7:30 in the evening and I was hungry way before that. So I would eat a can of something, make a box of something, or every once in a while I would broil a thinly cut steak. No microwaves back then yknow. Although I did eat frozen dinners, the ones that were in the foil trays. There was always a little cobbler or muffin or some kind of dessert-like portion, and you can imagine where the vegetables went. Not in my mouth, that's for sure. A lot of the time dinner was simply a Velveeta cheese sandwich on soft white bread with mayo. Mmm-m-m . . .

Every once in a great while my mom would leave some instructions and I would make a pot roast or some spaghetti with meat sauce for the the two of us. But that was rare.

And there was always chocolate ice cream and chocolate syrup in the house. Always. That was a food group all it's own in my house. Funny thing, I didn't really develop a taste for ice cream until well after I moved out of the house.

Today I posted about how I have been opting for natural foods, fresh foods, and God help me - even raw foods, over folded spindled and mutilated foods. I have been able to talk myself out of stopping on my way home from work and getting something to eat that's bad for me, and to enjoy the sweetness of a date or a cherry instead of a candy bar or donut.

There is very little doubt that I will continue to eat some of those bad things. I have not totally converted. But if I continue to eat the good things the majority of the time, having something bad now and then isn't going to be so bad. I just cannot allow myself to get to the point of being diabetic with high blood pressure and heart disease because of my weight. It's simply not acceptable to me anymore. If I end up with any of those things - I at least want to know it's not because I couldn't make myself get disciplined about what I stick in my mouth. There are other ways to develop those conditions but in my case - it's my weight. It's not a symptom of something else, it's the cause of things I am teetering on the edge of having.

This is the first time ever, that I feel like learning to eat in a healthy way is within my grasp. Of course it's always been out there. Obviously. But this is the first time I think I may be able to do this. And I'm kind of amazed!

Ordinary

Haven’t been here lately, have I? And there is no particular reason either. I just haven’t felt like it and that’s strange for me. But there it is.

My reader got up to well over 250 posts at one point, so I did go in and read some, but not many. And I read them through my reader so while it may appear I haven’t been visiting any of you – in some cases I have. It’s so strange that there is guilt attached to that.

I remember reading someone’s post one day about how she had gone in and zeroed out her Google reader. Just clicked and marked all the posts as read. I can’t do that. So it may be a while before I comment anywhere because I will be pretty much only reading. It’s amusing to me that I can’t NOT read all the posts. I am afraid I might miss something.

*blink* *blink*

My son and I have been car pooling this week because his car is in the shop. His brand new, less than three month old car is being repaired. Because the boy hit a deer. I feel so bad for him because his last car simply died one day without so much as a death rattle to warn him. He decided to buy a new car, his first, and then this happens.

I will be forever grateful that Andy was not hurt because he certainly could have been. I am also grateful that he was able to drive the 2 hours he still had to get home, and that his insurance was up to date. The estimate for the damage was over $4000.00. With his insurance – he only has to pay $100.00 and the insurance company has been exceptionally helpful and cooperative. But holy cow, he was pretty heartbroken about it when it happened.

Can’t blame him one bit. I am a bit heartbroken for him.

Speaking of heartbreak, (such a segue) my daughter comes home from school this weekend for the summer. And helping her bring her belongings home is the “new boy”. I wondered why Dani hadn’t commented on the birthday post I did for her in February until I realized it was probably because I had posted a picture of her and her boyfriend and they were well on their way to breaking up at that point. Oops. I didn’t know.

Truly though, it was traumatic for her in the sense that she had to make a decision to let go of something she thought she would always have and that’s never easy and pretty scary. I hated to see her cry and go through the emotions of breaking it off with her first love. I was a bit heartbroken for her too. But she is okay and so is he.

So now there is a new boy. And I get to meet him on Mother’s Day. Me and my 4 cats, and he is allergic. Heh.

I will try to get caught up in my reading and hopefully start commenting again. Maybe I will find some inspiration for posting in my day to day ordinary life.

But I simply feel like I got nothin’. And I don’t know why.