Cheeseburgers do a body good! ( alternatively titled - cat lady talks cat )

Riley is 20 now.  He's bony and cranky and sleeps a lot which is probably quite normal for a cat his age.
But recently he started losing more weight than the doc was comfortable with so I needed to address that.

His cat food has been upped to the point where he gets at least twice what the other cats do, and his reward for his Monday vet trip has become a stop at McDonald's on the way home to pick up a cheeseburger which he loves. Giving him a quarter tablet of an appetite stimulant in the morning is a regular thing, and a package of hot dogs in the fridge are there just for Riley. He gets to lick the ice cream bowl and anything that has contained some kind of cheese product. He is enjoying his old age!

One of the last visits to the vet - they had to feel his belly to make sure he wasn't constipated - he had gained so much weight!  You wouldn't know to look at him probably, he's still a skinny old guy, but not like before. He still tends to look rumpled and and squinty and disgruntled a lot of the time ...

And his Yoda ears crack me up.

He has to be on my lap all the time ..

.. and if I'm not petting him, he's asking why!

He stalks me while I'm eating ..

.. and sometimes helps himself when I'm not looking!

Wheat Thins!

He enjoys his Monday cheeseburgers ..

... and synchronise sleeps with Norah.

Sometimes he shares space with Abby ...

.. sort of.

Mostly - he's as happy as a crabby ol' man cat can be these days!

.. and since we lost Jake - I can't help but give Riley as much attention as I reasonably can.  And what's a few cheeseburgers between friends, anyway?

Do cats have expiration dates?

.

So there is Riley, crabby ol' man cat with an overactive thyroid and perpetual mats.  Then there is Jake, sweetest little girl kitty ever, with an overactive thyroid and now insulin dependent diabetes.  In order of age next is Norah, my full figured girl.  Besides her weight there have never been any issues. Last night (okay this morning) my son woke me up at 2:30 am because Norah was splayed out in front of the bathroom door on her belly, and couldn't get up.  Every time she tried to put her legs under her they just slid right out again.  I put my hand underneath her and supported her and she was able to walk a little, but her legs were not holding her up well.  I picked her up and put her on my bed (normally she goes up the stairs I have there for her) and there she stayed.  I brought her food and she ate, water, she didn't drink.  Took her to the litter box once but she didn't go.

When I think about it, she hasn't been moving around much lately, not coming when called to eat, not climbing up on the couch to nap, etc.  But I have been worried about Jakie with her recent weight loss and diabetes diagnosis so I thought Norah might have a little stomach upset and dismissed it.  A good vomit (hairball) usually takes care of that.

Last in line is Abby, the evil kitty who wants to eat my face.  Yours too.  So far, so good with her which is really good news because she is next to impossible to handle.  Still, with all the medical issues lately I guess I should keep an eye on her too!

I take Norah to the vet this afternoon unless there is a cancellation sooner.  She's not in pain, doesn't seem anxious or unhappy even.  So what it could be is a mystery to me.  I guess we will see.  Stay tuned.

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It's a Maxine birthday kind of day!

.
Okay well, I mean mine. 

But look at Riley.  He's about 17 now.  That means he is well into his 80's so he's REALLY old, right?  RIGHT??

Oh yeah, that made me feel a LOT better.  Sigh-h-h.

.

Priceless.

*
Have I mentioned lately how tired I am? Been leaving the house at 8:00 a.m. most days and not coming home till after 8:00 p.m. Left the house later than that on the weekend, but came home later too.

My mom is a trip and a half.

Did you know that if an elderly person has an infection - say - a urinary tract infection - or is dehydrated - it can send them into a very confused state? I sure as hell didn't, and all of a sudden I thought my mom must have had a stroke or we were in the middle of a Colombo episode and pretty soon a scruffy little man in a rumpled overcoat was going to come in and start investigating the boogie men that were surrounding us. Er . . . her. I didn't think there were any boogie men but boy I was hoping somebody would tell me who they were and what they were doing in my mom's room!

That hospital Mom was in before? Still as nice as I remember but boy it gets old after a while. Especially when you spend almost a whole 4 day weekend in it. And when you have one admin person, one aide, one nurse one doctor and one Episcopalian Minister ask if you have a DNR on file, you start getting really nervous.

Several blood tests and CT scans later, hydration and antibiotics and Mom is back at the nursing home with a bit of color in her cheeks eating Jell-O and speaking in full sentences again.

There was a point when I had to ask the doctor if she was trying to tell me that my mom didn't have much time left and she answered "Yes. Let me say it will happen sooner than later."

So really, what the HELL does THAT mean?

Apparently didn't mean much to my mom because she's as clear headed as I've seen her in a long while and enjoying her iPhone. Okay yes I admit it, I got her one. It was worth the expense for several reasons but one in particular. Mom's emphysema is pretty advanced. Any exertion sends her into a breathing episode which is exacerbated by the anxiety she feels when she cannot breathe. Medical staff on hand was quite surprised when Mom was struggling so badly and I stepped in and handed her the iPhone - telling her "here Mom, delete the pictures."

I kid you not, she LOVES to delete pictures from the phone. So I go around taking pictures of everything and anything and nothing at all, just to pile up a hundred photos or so, so she can delete them when she is trying to breathe. And as she flicks from one picture to the next, deleting some and moving past others, her breathing slowly becomes less labored and ragged, and finally comes to a point of calm. She continues to delete the pictures until eventually they are gone and she is past her episode. It works. Every. Time!

Worth every penny, I tell ya!




*

Train is still on the tracks .. sort of ..

*
Spent about 10 hours in the hospital with my mom last night. Apparently she fell and smacked her back against the night table in her bedroom sometime during Sunday night/Monday morning. Did I know about it? No.

Monday morning before work I gave my mom her breathing treatment, as well as moving her nebulizer from the bedroom into the living room as has been my practice so she can do her daytime treatments there. She sat on the edge of her bed and spoke to me. I called home halfway through the day and she didn't mention anything. "Everything is fine."

When I got home from work Monday at about 5:30 - she was in her bed in a ton of pain.

Hospital did x-rays and took a ton of blood, I think they were more worried about why she fell as opposed to the actual fall that caused the hospital visit. They didn't say so but I think they thought she had had a stroke. Cat scan on her brain was good - blood tests good - but she has a small fracture of one of her vertebra in her back. Doc says it's stable, not really treatable, kind of like when someone breaks their tailbone. But - she is still in a lot of pain so they decided to keep her overnight. Or maybe it was the fact that she kept saying "Percocet. Percocet works really well." Sounded like a drug seeker, I swear.

Neurologist saw her today - ordered an MRI on her back, we will see what that shows. Off to shower and get back to the hospital.

Good news? This may fast track her placement in a nursing home since Illinois requires an evaluation for care, first. Not the way I wanted it to happen, however.

**Update - They are keeping her for another day for sure, MRI is not until about 8:30 tonight. Pain management is a big concern and they may do some kind of "plasty" - okay I forgot what it's called, don't judge. It would be a minor procedure to fuse the bone that is fractured but that's a maybe. Long days here!

*

Warning: Toxic Emotions!

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I have officially extended the invitation to my mother to come live with me. I do not know what else to do. She has not answered me yet.

Speaking about her before, I have mentioned how she tends to bend the truth a bit. Well, it has come to light that her version of the truth changes depending on who she is talking to. She does not consider it lying, she does it to make her conversations sm-o-o-o-o-o-th. She does not want to defend a position, give an opinion or voice displeasure. Not in person anyway. And never to the person she has a problem with.

Apparently she was not at all interested in the crafts the facility was offering, yet she told my brother she was looking forward to it. She emailed me and told me she had no interest. My brother was walking away with high hopes thinking she was actually enjoying the place and told me so, hence this post.

She emails me when her bed is not changed, when she wants a breathing treatment, when someone at the home is not being responsive. She's in New Jersey, I am in the Chicago area, and she emails me to call the nurses station instead of asking for something. Oh did I mention that part? She is unable to ask for anything she wants. Or unwilling. Hard to tell. AND she expects people to know what she wants or needs at any given moment and when they don't - she gets angry and does something spiteful which usually does not hurt anyone but herself. Like refusing dinner because someone did not do something or bring her something in what she considered a timely manner.

Honestly, this is a nightmare. She is my mother and I love her, but this isn't my mom. This is someone I don't know. And I realize now that the lying - that has been a part of her that has been there all along because my family not being very close, we never compared notes before. We took what she said for granted as being the truth. Makes me question the accuracy of some of my own history. Feels a little like somebody tried to pull the rug out from under me but just knocked me off balance a bit. Things are still the same but - not quite.

People want to do right by their parents, at least most people do. My family is no different I suppose. But my mom isn't making it easy. It has to be tough losing your independence and physical abilities. But my mom has not accepted the fact that her breathing is difficult and won't get any better - because she smoked for 50-odd years. And was still sneaking cigarettes years after being diagnosed with emphysema. She continues to wait for someone to give her the magic pill (my brother, her doctor, the nursing home) to make her breathing easier, and blames her caretakers when they can't. She has not accepted that it is only going to get worse from here, not better. I wish that were not the case, but it is.

She lived with me before and we tended to butt heads a bit. I don't imagine all of that has gone away. But my expectations are much lower now, I wouldn't be looking to her to do things for herself. She doesn't want to. Unless of course she is angry and doing it to spite someone - then she does something reckless and falls down because of it. Sigh-h-h.

My brother used to try to get her to go outside and walk, even if it was just around the yard or down the block a bit (with her walker, when that time came). He took her places, restaurants and weddings and friends houses. He took her shopping and bought her a damn dog she treated horribly. (the dog has since been given to a family with kids who adore her!) He tried to keep her as active as he could. But she is stubborn and vain enough to hate what she looks like when she walks "Everybody will think I'm drunk!" So her legs did not get enough use.

She complained at one point that this is no way to live. Yet she will not put any effort into doing things that might be good for her or make her time more enjoyable. I love her. But there is a part of me that is so pissed off that she could not be stronger about all of this, that she has slipped so easily into the dependent role, only railing against those who try to care for her and ignoring her own lack of ambition when it came to trying to care for herself. What happened to the woman who raised 4 kids? I never realized that without some kind of partner in her life she was not capable of making decisions or doing - well - just about anything. And I guess I am disappointed.

It's easy to see that I am having trouble switching places - my mom was supposed to be my mom - and I was supposed to be her child. Adult child, yes. But obviously I'm struggling with anger about how she has come to this place. She did not fight it, and I wanted her to. When she was told she had emphysema, I wanted her to stop smoking. When she started to have weakness in her legs, I wanted her to walk. And when she was on her own for a while I wanted her to revel in the freedom and do all the things she complained her husband didn't want her to do. But she didn't do any of those things.

I wanted her to TRY to have a long and healthy life. Apparently she had other plans.

Where is the old Maxine lady I hope to be, or the lady who accepts her age with grace? Neither of those are my mom. And it makes me so freaking sad. Oh, and guilty. All of these emotions? Bring guilt. Tons of it. But I cannot be the only one to go through these emotions so I write about them and hope I can confirm for someone else that they are not a monster for having these feelings.

And just maybe someone else will confirm that I am not one either.

*

Who can forgive you when you blame yourself?

*
So did I tell my doc that he sucks? I sure did. And I explained my reasons, reminded him of the rushed appointment and lack of information, etc. But it wasn't very satisfying because he was exclaiming about how good my numbers have been (on average), and I had lost 7 pounds . . !

He was in a good mood and being his charming self and I couldn't be mad at him when he's such a smart ass. He asked what I was doing and I explained not putting sugar in my tea anymore, eating lots more fiber, etc. He said "Scared the $hit outa you, didn't it?"

Hmmm. Regardless. He said if I lose some more weight and keep my numbers down by eating well, he wants to take me off the meds. Yay! But 2 minutes from that I was telling him about my mom. She was his patient for about 6 months or so when she lived with me. Those are the times when the a$$hole goes away and the caring physician comes out.

See, I put my Mom into a nursing home Wednesday afternoon. Long distance, sight unseen. It was a traumatic situation for all of us but at that moment, she was being released from the hospital and could not go back to my brother's house.

I spent a good part of the afternoon talking to a social worker, my mom, my brother, the admissions gal at the facility. Back and forth and around and round. When the time came my mom asked me for the address of the facility because - (omg) - she wanted to take a cab. My mother is tiny. She walks in a wobbly wandering manner, listing one direction to the other until eventually she falls. I pictured her sitting by herself in the corner of the cab in her little sweat suit carrying her purse and her little plastic bag from the hospital. Arriving at the facility and meandering up the walk till she reached the building and went inside with her head held high. It broke my heart.

But even though they had discussed it and it was more her idea than his - my mom had thrown the accusation at my brother that he was "sticking her in a mental institution. Sticking her in a home." So - he called me. He wasn't going to stick her anywhere.

So I did it.

Isn't that the most awful thing you've ever heard? I live in Chicago. My brother is with my mother in NJ and my other brother lives in Seattle. My sister? Nobody cares. None of us can stay home and take care of her, I don't think any of us will ever retire either. And none of us has a spouse to help. That alone speaks to what our family is about.

But we do love my mom. I was weepy for 2 days. Those phone calls? I spoke to the social worker and then cried a bit. Spoke to my brother, cried a bit more. Talked to to my mom and cried again. It was tough and there was drama and gnashing of teeth. Still - it was the right decision, the necessary one.

Will there be adjustments? Holy cow, yes! She is signed up at the facility she is at for 30 days. During that time we have a chance to explore a few different options - one of which is staying where she is except being moved to a different floor where she can socialize and there are activities. Right now - the floor she's on - not so much. It was the only bed available. She said the food is good, and they give her pudding. If there is something my mom likes it is people doing things for her. And pudding.

Tomorrow my brother is going to pick her up and bring her back to the house to collect some more of her things. He's still very hurt by the things she said to him but maybe this is a chance to have a better relationship again before she passes. Because God knows she dumped a rash of guilt on him that he needs to work though. He told her he loves her and isn't abandoning her. But he also told her that she really hurt him. Her answer? "I know." So, it's a beginning. And a beginning of the end I guess.

Mom has always been worried about people seeing her walk - like they would think she was drunk. Well maybe now that she is in an environment where everybody else is old too - she won't feel as embarrassed by her unsteady gate. I'm hoping she makes a friend or 2. I can dream.

*

Little white lies and an empty wallet.

Have I been online lately? Have I been reading blogs? Well - yes, and a little. I have been online, shopping. See - my Mom is coming to visit. I've got stuff to buy so she has somewhere to sleep and so she will be safe in my bathroom.

I haven't seen her in almost 2 years. In those 2 years her health has deteriorated and she has become more frail. Amazingly enough, she is still sneaky and manipulative. I say that in an amused way more than anything. Part of her personality I didn't realize she even had until well into my adulthood, and even now into old age (hers, thank you very much!) I think it's become more pronounced.

Example - she lives with my brother whom I will call "brother." Brother had to travel on business and had his girlfriend stop by the house and spend time with my Mom, take her shopping and to run errands. Brother's GF asked Mom if people were calling and checking up on her (since Brother had arranged for people to do that) and she said "Oh yes, people have been calling. But I don't tell Brother that when he calls." And this statement was accompanied by a smirk when Brother's GF (who KNOWS how he worries about Mom) stared back at her in open-mouthed amazement. She was purposely making Brother feel guilty for being away! But somehow there was a disconnect when it came to admitting her behavior to Brother's GF, as if she would keep that secret from Brother.

Also, Mom wanted a pet. We talked about it on the phone. I suggested a cat because besides being a crazy cat lady and just liking cats (me, not her), a cat just made sense for her. She got a dog. And then she would complain about the dog. My question was "Mom, why did you get a dog? Why didn't you get a cat so you wouldn't have to worry about it chewing up your shoes (maybe just pooping in them) or needing to go outside every half hour?" Her answer - "Oh, Brother wanted the dog. He saw it on that Westminster Dog show thing on TV and thought this kind of dog would be a good dog to get." Oh. Didn't sound much like Brother, but I didn't question it. Until I mentioned it to Brother. We were on the phone but I swear smoke came out of his ears! "SHE wanted the dog! I still have the emails she was sending me at work about dogs and the elderly!!"

So, I bought a bed because there wasn't one in the room Mom will be staying in. I bought a hand held shower thing to attach to my shower. I bought a shower chair because I'm terrified she will fall in the shower. I already have a bath mat. I bought a grab bar to attach to the side of the tub in case she needs something to hold onto getting in and out. I bought a potty booster thing. I still need to buy bedding for the bed I bought. So not only am I broke, I'm a nervous wreck about this visit. She'll be flying with a nebulizer and will need a wheelchair to get through the airport. So many details.

But I'm wondering if more than anything else that I will have to deal with - trying to tell the truth from her colorization of it may be the hardest part!!!

It goes on and on . .

I have such a headache. It’s the mom thing again. I’m afraid the brother she is living with is having a really hard time with having her there lately. He is ill and this round of treatment is kicking his butt and he is crabby and impatient. I’ll be honest – it’s really hard to be patient with her sometimes when you’re not sick, so I get it.

Trying to find out if she is eligible for Medicaid for an adult daycare program, or maybe some in-home care is a nightmare. Especially from a different state. When I suggested she come here by me she says “I’m comfortable here.” I’m guessing my brothers and I are going to have to decide what to do and she is going to have to go along with it. She can’t be alone and my brother can’t continue being her caretaker when he has all he can do to take care of himself right now.

Tonight? I’m going to take some ibuprophen and check my lottery ticket.

Wherein I begin to torture myself.

Did I mention I bought some yoga DVDs, under the influence of Ambien? Not just any yoga DVDs, yoga for old people DVDs. So I guess my intentions were good but my confidence was lagging. Seeing as housework gets me winded, I figured I needed to start slow, right? So old people's yoga seemed perfect. It couldn't be that hard, there are 3 consecutive disks, which get progressively harder. But still for old people. So how hard could THAT be???

Well there's this little matter of not being incredibly old, just fat. There were times when I was supposed to bring my knees up to my chest which crushed my boobs into my stomach into my knees - and all that crushing made it freaking hard to breathe!!! Okay, so I improvised. Still - I was getting a bit pissed off that the little old lady in the video (not the instructor) was doing way better than I was. She had little boobs.

When the torture was over I was left lying on the living room floor on my back still trying to do the slow deep breaths and relax every part of my body. If I had been the least bit prepared I would have had a pillow and blanket within reach because I was going to have a hard time getting back up! But - I did 50 minutes. And it didn't even feel like 50 minutes so lets see if I can give it a go again. My track history isn't that good, but I'll give it a try. Because God knows - I need to do SOMETHING!

And if I can master old people's yoga, maybe I can graduate to something more difficult before I actually AM eligible for a senior discount everywhere I go.

A saint, I tell ya!

I have figured out what I did to get those flowers. Well, maybe not but I should certainly get points for patience!

My mother is turning 80 this year. She’s a tiny little thing who has emphysema and falls down a lot. I have talked about her before and our struggles as a family with where she should live and what would be the best situation for her.

She got divorced a few years ago and after a couple of false starts – tried having her live with me, then my sister, now she has settled in with my brother quite well. It seems to be working better for her as she needs to know there is a man in the house. If the water heater goes out, he will know what to do. If she needs something fixed, he will know how to do it. Trouble with her car – my brother being a man – will know how to take care of it. At least that’s what she believes and it is very comforting to her to live with a man, even if it is her son.

He however, is not a computer guy. So she calls me. Today she wanted to set up her profile on Etsy so she can sell some of her artwork. There is more to it then just setting up the profile, the shop announcement and shipping profile. In order to list items you have to have pictures and those pictures cannot be above a certain size. You also really want to have more than 1 picture of any item you are selling.

Two hours on the phone later – Mom had her Etsy profile set up and had resized maybe – oh – 4 pictures using Paint. TWO HOURS. FOUR pictures. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate the phone? Yeah. Not to mention the fact that I had to repeat each instruction over each and every time she needed to do something, it seemed as soon as I told her – she would do it - and then forget it.

I really hope my daughter is able to be that patient with me and keep the irritation out of her voice for that long on the phone with me someday, because that’s MY future for sure. Or maybe I’m just going straight to hell right now for even BEING irritated with my elderly mother even though I didn’t let it show.

Right now I think I should sprout wings!