Friday, July 30, 2010


Oh creepy crawlies, creepy crawlies - ICK!! Almost home from the nursing home tonight, no dinner yet, contemplating my blog failure of yesterday when I went to get my hair cut and failed to get a picture of the young kid getting a classic Justin Bieber haircut, when my phone rang. "Mom, how do you check the fuses?"

Sigh-h-h. Have been very careful to not blow any fuses in quite a while. Now my son was calling me at the end of a long and stressful day to tell me "the whole back of the house is out." GAH.

After asking questions and determining that the garage door was not working, I cringed. I'm not in any shape to heave my girth up and over a windowsill and into a dark and creepy crawly barely used (by humans) garage. But when I got there, I did just that. Got into the garage, found the blown fuse, replaced it and re-engaged the garage door opener. All before walking in the door to pee.

I rushed to the bathroom after hurriedly feeding the crabby old man cat, after washing my hands about 17 times to get the smelly I have no idea what it was from the tree I was hanging onto - off my hands. Got the door closed, started the water in the sink for the cat who drinks there, pulled down my pants and as I was bending at the knees to sit - a spider - on the tile directly in front of me - his legs spanning the whole 10" x 10" tile. Okay maybe he was smaller than that. The tile, I mean.


I had my pants down and was horrified to see that right in front of me, mid sit. Must kill creepy crawly things. When and wherever I see them in my house. The thought that it had probably dropped off of ME, had been transported from the garage by ME did not occur to me until after I stumbled around with dropped trou as it ran onto the rug and tried to escape.


Did not need that at the end of a long day - hell - a long week. Spider killed, flushed, and pee accomplished I changed into lay-about clothes but not before taking off my creepy crawly clothes, bending over and shaking out my hair.

I still feel crawly things. And smelly things. Have I mentioned how much I hate this house?

And THEN ... and THEN ... Andy comes running out of the back of the house "sh*t sh*t sh*t!!!!"
Oh geez. I went back there and ... the fuse had blown again. The window unit air conditioner was hissing and spitting and dying and freaking Andy out before it blew the fuse. So now we know the culprit!

And you can bet your sweet bippy it wasn't me who climbed in the garage window a second time - ICK!!! But I was the one to change the fuse again. Sounds like a trip to the local hardware store is in order soon.

So how was your week?

Monday, July 26, 2010

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Working on it ..

Praying for calm and peace.

Oh! And sanity. Have to pray for sanity.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Weaving to save my life

Sitting here desperately wanting to write something about anything other than what my life actually IS right now. Like my brother coming to visit a week ago, my nephew coming to stay for a few days this week, or the dream I had last night about some animal rights/eco terrorist trying to forcibly make me spay my cat (who is already spayed) using Charlie Sheen as muscle and running scared when Glenn Beck showed up in leather aviator helmet, goggles and scarf to save the day.

That's not weird at all. Ahem.

But what's in my head is the hospital and the nursing home and the phone call I got a little while ago saying "I'm having trouble breathing and
they really aren't paying much attention." Of course this being the first day I have taken for myself in I don't know how many days - it left me weeping with frustration and guilt and whatever else a caregiver feels. I started to look around and decided I needed some distraction. I made a bracelet not too long ago but don't feel like making jewelry. I have fabric and quilt patterns and kits even, but don't feel like sewing either.

What should be done today is laundry, dishes, washing the kitchen floor or weeding the flower bed. But instead I am falling back on the simple life saver - making pot holders.

There was a time I was going through some emotional upheaval and bought myself a loom and loops and went at it. It's simple, requires no planning or patterns, there is no right way or wrong way, it just IS. I made a whole box of pot holders that time.

If anybody is looking for me .. um .. never mind. I don't want to be found right now.
Making pot holders .... coping ...


Monday, July 19, 2010

Friday, July 16, 2010

Dodged a bullet again.


I hoping to getting back to my normal boring fare now, since Mom is back at the nursing home and well again. Relatively speaking. No angiogram, meds will do. AND she was put right back in the same room with the same roommate which is HUGE. Her roommate is a lovely woman from a big Italian family with lots of kids and grandkids. They are all friendly and fun and include my mom when they are visiting. No one would ever call my mom gregarious so all the family coming and going is a very good thing.

My brother flew into town the day Mom was leaving the hospital, and while the advisability of surprising an 82 year old woman with a heart condition can be questioned, I would have loved to see my mom's face when my brother unexpectedly walked into her hospital room. She was very surprised, and very happy to see him. Nice! Saying good bye the next day was hard for him, because I know he was thinking it may be the last time he sees her alive. That's tough, especially since he blames himself for the need for her to leave his home. He. Did. Not. Fail her! But yeah, tell HIM that.

Plus, I got word today that my Mom's brother, her older brother - is coming to see her in 2 weeks. Sounds like he will just be passing through but still, I imagine she never thought she would see him again. We all live in different states!!! I'm hoping the visit will do her good, lift her spirits and all that.

Mom did ask me to find a nice funeral home around here today. She has it all prepaid but we have to transfer it from another state. I told her I will check into it but she has to assure me she won't be using it for quite a while.

I mean, I know she's the one who is ill, whose health is stable one day and in free fall the next. But I really need some smooth sailing for a little while. Work has been uber stressful and being there for my mom extracts it's pound of flesh as well. I need an itty bitty rest. Please?

Oh, and would you look at that bruise? The paramedics had trouble getting a vein. I'll say!!

Monday, July 12, 2010

When the time comes ...

So is an angiogram advisable for a woman with advanced lung disease? If they find a blockage and put in a stent, will it make a difference? Is it time to talk about comfort, dignity and unfortunately - reality?

Today someone said "end of life issues" and "end stage COPD". I don't think they meant Mom isn't going to graduate from this hospital stay, but were suggesting a different view, a different approach to her illness and acute episodes. It can't be fixed. COPD is incurable, the lungs just don't work after a while. And as much as I miss smoking, watching my mother basically suffocating to death is a real good reason to never start again.

I wish I knew what to expect. Will her heart give out during an acute breathing episode? Will a breathing episode become so acute she passes out and then needs to be kept sedated? What happens when someone dies from COPD, emphysema type? Does it have to be violent?

Morbid, yes. Not something pretty or blog fodder for that matter. But I have to think about it. I have to know what I am preparing myself for. If any family will be there with her when it happens it will be me, and probably my daughter. Is there a peaceful way for her to go? Is there a way for her to pass gently without gasping for breath and straining for air? Because I would want to choose that for her.

She doesn't want to die. But if she must, I want to choose the easiest route for her. Do I get to pick?


Maxine Monday


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Saturday, July 10, 2010

Hi ho, hi ho, it's back to .. the hospital we go?

Another weekend, another trip to the hospital with Mom. She had a really bad breathing episode that all the iphone photos or breathing treatments weren't helping so in came the paramedics while my daughter, my mom's roommate and I kind of huddled in the hallway fighting the tears. All very scary, I might add. I've never been there when a horde of medical people with cases and gurneys crowd into a room and surround someone and start asking questions and taking vitals.

Can you say helpless feeling?

One day she's fine (relatively speaking) and the next she's in the hospital, really struggling. Today - she's struggling.


Tuesday, July 6, 2010

I'm nosy.

Warning! iPhone App! iPhone App!

I thought this was cool.

It's a webcam app that has dozens and dozens of cams but the fact that they are so varied and work so well is what I like about it. You can choose to see random cams, cities, attractions, people .. and a bunch of other categories. You can save the ones that interest you as favorites, and since there are cams all over the world - there is always something to see.

Question though, do you think even a fraction of these people have even an inkling they are being watched?

Hmm-m-m ...



It's called "LIVE CAMS"


Monday, July 5, 2010

Sunday, July 4, 2010


I am grateful for the liberty this country affords me so today I celebrate it's birth. Happy 4th of July everyone!

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