I had a birthday recently

 

Can you hear me from there??

Things that make you go hmm ...

4 yr old granddaughter: Grandma, I think you're getting old.   

Me: Really?? How do you know?

4 yr old granddaughter: Your hair is turning white!

Hmm..

4 yr old granddaughter has never seen my hair any other color.  But okay! Guess she's right - aging just started NOW!

You know you're old when ...

A million years ago when I started this blog, or actually "A Bead a Day" it was called then, I did it to advertise the jewelry I was making and selling on Etsy. There is still a link at the bottom of my blog I think, to my shop. My shop that is closed. I haven't made, much less sold, jewelry for quite a while. But I want to. At least I want to make some.

But my bead room is A HUGE MESS.

For various reasons I took 3 days off work which gave me a 5 day weekend - part of which I meant to use to clean up my bead room and get it usable again. 

So funny I thought I could do that!

Tuesday after work, I picked up my granddaughter from preschool and brought her home. Getting her out of her car seat, something I have done a hundred times before, I fell out of the back seat of my own car. But not only did I fall out - I fell out backwards, with my feet still in the car, and my arms and head - still in the car - so you know what was outside the car? Yeah. My butt.

Landing on asphalt with all my weight on only my butt and small of my back was .. well .. jarring, to say the least.

They say if you fall and everybody laughs you're still young. But if you fall and everyone gasps and asks if you are okay - you are very old.

There was a car turning onto the street and the driver slammed on their brakes when they saw me fall. I guess that means I'm old.

I jumped back up pretty quickly, mostly out of embarrassment but also because I had suddenly dropped out of sight and my granddaughter was yelling "Grandma! Are you okay??" Yeah, she thinks I'm old too, and she's too young to get the joke!

Needless to say I didn't do anything productive while home for 5 days. No bead room clean up, not even laundry. Sigh-h. 

And yeah, I'm okay. Thank goodness! You know, because it's frequently a fall that starts the decline in the health of the elderly. Ahem. But I'm good. Really.

Happy Birthday Mr. Perry!

"The Voice" gets another year older! 

             HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STEVE!

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Wishing Steve a wonderful birthday full of fun, spent in the company of loved ones and friends with good food and great music!

When your daughter is a hospice nurse 👀

Was watching my granddaughter this evening and when my daughter got home, I was getting ready to leave. "Here, you want this?" she asked.

"What is it?" I innocently queried.

"It's an advanced directive. You just fill it out and get someone to witness it, and it's legal!" She sweetly informed me. 

Ummm ... 

"Thanks .. ?"

Every. Damn. Day.

I pick up my phone, look at the screen, ask myself "what the heck am I doing?" as I tap the back with my fingers which takes a screenshot of my home screen. I mean .. I do this ALL the time! 

Or I put my fingers on my keyboard and look at my computer monitor and say to myself "what the heck was I going to do??" Generally it only takes a couple seconds to shake that off and remember just what I WAS going to do. It's the electronic version of walking into the kitchen and saying "why did I come in here?"

Yep, I do that too.

It's not like I've left my car keys in the freezer, or lost my way driving home from somewhere, or tried to drink the glass cleaner. Nothing way out like that, or dangerous. But those momentary gaps in thinking can be disconcerting!

But no worries. My kids being my kids - they will totally tell me if it gets worse! My daughter being a nurse looks at me with a clinical side-eye half the time anyway. All I have to do is mention I have a headache or my arm hurts or something similar and I get questions.

In other words - I am being monitored. Somewhat comforting .. ? Maybe?

What was I talking about, anyway?

Embracing aging. Or not.

Do I embrace aging? Oh HELL NO .. and .. YES! I mean - I am glad to be here to age and not taking a dirt nap some place. But since Covid and working from home began, I don't look in the mirror as often or as closely as I used to because I don't put makeup on all the time. So when I do - sometimes it's a little shocking.

Posting pictures of myself has never been a thing. If you search this blog going back years - you will find very few photos of me. Never liked selfies and certainly didn't post them here if I did take them. Generally speaking any selfies I do take usually include my granddaughter. Making memories, even though the pics themselves make me cringe a bit. But she doesn't care if I have lines on my face or an uneven skin tone. She loves me just the way I am.

However, by the time my mom was my age (she is gone now so I can post this) she had 2 facelifts, a nose job, and an implant put in her chin. My mom was fairly vain, and had married a man who was 12 years her junior. No doubt that factored into it. But also? We just don't have nice, elastic skin. So I almost feel like she was just trying to even the score with the first facelift, so she was attempting to look like what her contemporaries did. She hated her nose so had that changed, and had a prominent overbite - hence the implant in her chin to offset the overbite. The second facelift was keeping young for her husband. And her own vanity.

Just my opinion, of course.

Would I do all that? No. My nose is my nose and braces took care of my overbite. But would I get one facelift - take care of the eyes and neck as well? You betcha. Because of weight gain and loss over the years my skin is much looser than I would like. It shows on my face. 

I know, fellas. This is making you want to line up for a date again .. 

So I am trying to accept my face, as is. In this pic - I am still tired, still have circles under my eyes and a crooked smile. But I do have makeup on and oh my gosh - EYEBROWS! 

People just don't understand how important eyebrows are. Just sayin'. 

From Day to Day

Some days I feel young, not quite like high school young, but maybe kids being 2 and 4 years old young.

Other days I feel every minute of my 62 years. When talking about my health - that's an old day.

Going to a new doc tomorrow to find out if what my crabby old man internist wants me to have, an iron infusion treatment, is necessary. We will see. 

Blah blah, blah blah blah. I'm old and aging sucks. Tomorrow evening - hopefully my mood will shift back to young again but for now - not so much.

That is the mood today. Just sayin'. 

Why NOT Gray Hair??

A friend of mine was horrified when I told her I was keeping my gray hair. My hair is short and the color had grown out enough where I just had the dyed hair cut off. "No!" She exclaimed. "Don't give up!" As if I had suddenly thrown in the towel on caring about myself or how I looked. Ummm... 

Nope.

Jane Fonda was recently celebrated for going gray, Andie MacDowell made headlines when she showed up at Cannes with gray streaked hair, and fans made memes of Steve Carell expressing how much they loved it when he went gray. So brave! So pretty! So handsome! Blargh.

WTH!?!? A lot of us regular folks out here have been living our lives and letting our natural hair shine through for years, and this is what we get? No! Don't give up??? Certainly nothing about being brave.

I get it, they live their lives in front of cameras and their living depends a lot on how they look. But holy cow the difference between "us and them" is stark sometimes.

By the way, Jane Fonda was quoted as saying she had only just started seeing gray hair on her head the year before she went totally gray at .. ahem .. 82. Even Jane isn't a good enough actress to make that statement believable. 

For gosh sakes, people! Grow up! I mean - it happens to all of us.

If we're lucky.

Trying to Move More, Against my Body's Better Judgement

Walking is my form of exercise. I have walked a lot in the past, but walking now - isn't as easy as it used to be. At least, when doing it for exercise and going for a little speed and distance. My knees have put in a formal objection, so I have shortened my distance temporarily and started doing exercises for my knees to strengthen them. It's working, too, which is nice. At least I've got that going for me.

But with this working from home thing, there needs to be more activity. NOT an athlete as a kid, younger adult, and certainly NOT an athlete now. Hmmm.. what to do?

I ordered a standing desk converter thing. It goes on top of my own desk, my monitors will sit on it and when I want to work standing up - it rises up, supposedly smoothly. We will see about that. My main concern is that it will raise my monitors about 4 inches when I am sitting, and right now my monitors are as low as they can go. Other than that - I am looking forward to it. 

I've tried to think of what I will need, a surge protector with a long cord so it is long enough to reach whether the desk is up or down. Some cord protector sleeves to try to bundle them a bit so they aren't all over the place, and I'm hoping will make the cords less attractive to Cruz, the only cat here that has a life goal of becoming a crispy kitty! I am determined to make him fail at that.

Not going to stop walking by any means. I am enjoying it, especially the listening to music part. Much better than listening to audio books which is what I used to do. But especially since there are days when it is close to a hundred degrees (summer in Chicago, what??) when I feel like I don't go as far or as fast as I'd like, and because I'm not sure what winter will be like - this is one more strike against bad health or maybe declining health that comes with aging. NO! I am not that old. And I'm not even sick! But I intend to stay as healthy as I can be until I DO get ready to meet my maker. Not anywhere near that yet. Preventative medicine is the best medicine.

Now, to make my body stop objecting to what I am trying to do .. that is a work in progress, but I will win!

Can I Get a Refund, Please?

This poor blog. It has been ignored for years and before that, barely attended to. I went for long periods of time just posting Maxine Mondays, and nothing else. As much as I love Maxine, she isn't enough for anyone to return to, to continue reading a blog. 

Not sure what I am doing here now, since I know there is no readership. But I really have the urge to write lately. It only becomes a problem when you don't know what to write about, or for whom. 

So for now I think I will write for me. If no one reads it besides me, that's fine. An online diary? That's a little creepy to consider. But it will be whatever strikes me at the moment. 

And right now, that is how my body is letting me down. I have been walking for exercise. I've begun listening to music instead of audio books and it propels me to a faster walk and I don't mind going further. Farther? My grammar sucks. However, my knees are saying oh HELL NO. I am experiencing medial knee pain, I looked it up. Medial knee pain is pain on the inner aspect of the knee. Both of my knees hurt, not just one. It makes me sad.

Once upon a time in my early 40's (I think) I started walking, mostly to work off anxiety and upset about a relationship I was in at the time. And I walked as long as I needed to and as fast. No worries at all. I don't remember any pain other than ordinary tired muscles. 

But now, WTH??

Not going to stop. I enjoy the music, I enjoy fending off future health problems, walking is my form of exercise. Not going to let my stupid knees ruin it for me. So I've found some exercises to help strengthen my knees that I am doing. I have shortened the distance temporarily, and am very careful about how I walk. Got new shoes. But I'm just plain pissed off that now I have to accommodate my body instead of it just doing what I want it to. 

Who designed this thing, anyway? I am dissatisfied.

I've been officially outed!

Outed as .. OLD.

My daughter loves nothing more than shopping at thrift stores.  Well, I imagine she loves her husband more, and her dog, and her friends and the rest of her family, but when it comes to shopping, she loves thrift stores.  Yesterday we had a mommy and me shopping trip to one of our large, local thrift shops.

We picked things out, tried things on, and marveled at the amazing array of ugly and worn, as well.  In the end Dani had picked out a bunch of things, I had my share as well, and we went to the register to pay.  The young man rang everything up and as he was handing me the receipt he said "your total would have been $150.00 but because Tuesday is 30% off .. "

Wait!  What?  We accidentally stumbled on the one sale day a week ..?

He explained further "well, on Tuesdays anyone who is 55 years old or older gets 30% off any

purchases  ..."  he paused .. "and I didn't KNOW, but I just took the 30% off anyway" he finished quickly.

Hmmm.  Who doesn't love a sale, right?  But I'm 56 years old - and apparently - I LOOK like it!  Sigh-h-h.  Or maybe - he was a young enough guy that anyone over 40 would look old enough for the discount to him.  Or maybe it's because I stopped dying my hair.  Or .. oh hell.  I AM old enough for the discount.

My FIRST senior discount moment.

My daughter of course leaped to take advantage "Hey Mom!  I'm going to be calling you and asking if you want to go shopping on 'old people Tuesday' now!"

I love my daughter.

I'm a big girl now!

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Every single day at work I am reminded that I am 53 years old.  And while I am not grateful for the reminder every single time, many times it is a wonderful thing!  Frequently I am shaking my head at the naivete of the younger people surrounding me, the ignorance of life and the world around us.  Funny too, I am not ever the most worldly or traveled person in the room.  Never.  But oh just to exist on the planet for 53 years .. the knowledge that comes with that is startling when compared with many young adults of today.  And while I wouldn't mind looking like I did at 20, 30, even 40, I wouldn't want to go back.  It's been said that as we age and women in particular approach a certain age *ahem* they can be the happiest they have ever been.  There is something to that I think.  But when I was younger, you might not have been able to convince me of that.  Ah .. experience is a wonderful teacher.  I hope when you are here, you will be able to embrace it as well!

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Mom's money

My Mom's money belongs to her. She wants to leave it to me, my brothers and the sister we don't talk to. We understand her desire, she has raised 4 kids who are wildly ..okay.. none of us are wildly successful in any way. We have jobs that are kind of secure and good, no CEOs in our family. Both of my brothers and my sister (and my mother if we're counting her) have been divorced twice and are currently unmarried. I have been divorced once and just don't want to add to my family fun statistic.

So yeah. There is a distinct possibility that she feels like leaving us some money will be something she can give us that can improve our lives. Well sure, a chunk of money (and it wouldn't be that large) would always be welcome. But not at the expense of my Mom's care. We are trying to do what is best for her but I know we cannot afford care whether it be adult day care, in-home care, assisted living, to whatever we need. Not because we're worried about running down our savings, who's got savings??? Nobody is worried about not being able to afford a vacation, who does that? No. It's worried because we don't have it.

Anyway. I talked to an attorney today who specialized in Elder Law. No I didn't, I talked to his administrator whose name was Dottie. She was very helpful with the law in New Jersey, the ins and outs of Medicare, Medicaid, elder care, etc. Comes down to - Ma - we have to cash in the stuff you want to save for us so we can take care of you. Period.

I talked to her tonight, I think I was the first one to bring up the idea of (eventually) needing assisted living or some kind of full time care. I was gentle but I think she was shocked. I told her we don't want her to have to go anywhere right now and later - if then - only if it's necessary. We talked about her dropping the price on her home (which sits empty) so she can get it to sell, spoke about spending some of that money for a place she can go during the day to be around other people to socialize, and also be near people who can help her if she falls. Adult daycare couched in words almost sounding like "play date". A place to go to meet people, play cards, TV, talk to people, maybe do crafts. Ugh.

Not a fun talk. It didn't help that she got up and was moving around while we were talking and when she sat down again she had some serious wheezing going on. I wanted to breathe FOR her. Through the phone. So .. there wasn't much discussion. I tried to emphasize that these are still her decisions, we aren't trying to take those choices away. She said "it's a lot to digest all at once." Yes Mom, it is.

After I got off the phone with her I went to my Insurance Company's site and sent an email to my agent. I need to look into long term care for myself. I don't want my kids to have to figure out how to care for me. I'm 50 now, and if I wait - the price is only going to go up so I might as well check into it now. I have no idea what kind of planning other people do, I'm sure it's quite different for couples, but I guess I've never discussed it with anyone.

Are any of you planning that far ahead? Are you worried about possibly being a burden on your children?

For me I don't see myself as a burden really, but I just want there to be a plan in place so when and if it becomes necessary I want my kids to know there is something in place for that eventuality. I don't want them to have to agonize over it.

Finally

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I listed the green aventurine and sterling silver necklace in my Etsy shop tonight. Finally. It has literally been months since I have listed anything new. Now all I have to do is keep at it. I took tons of pictures yesterday and this evening, so hopefully I will get at least one or two pieces listed a day for the next week. Uh huh. I'll believe it when I see it too. :)

Now I have to clean up my photography mess, get an order ready to go out, make my lunch and get ready for bed. Hopefully I will be able to get to bed before 1:00 am but who am I kidding? I don't generally move that fast.

My jewelry is why I started this blog but for some reason I got this notion that people would be interested in my electrical problems, my kids, and whether or not I grow chin hairs these days. Okay, I won't stop talking about that stuff, but I really hope to at least do a bit more with my beading. Balance, right? Balance.

I'm going to get up now and listen to my ankles snap crackle and pop as I make my way about my business. They do that all the time now, man, does this aging process ever give up any happy surprises???

I haven't seen any yet!
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