The World is on Fire .. But Life Goes On

SO many things happening out there, SO many things I would love to write about, lament, grieve, rage about.  But today I will refrain. Because it's true, while the rest of the world is crazy, most of us are still going about our everyday lives, including me.

My most recent foster is a beautiful tortie named Twix.  I call her Weezy as if she were one of the dwarfs but really it's because she's got a chronic condition that causes her to sniff and snuffle and generally have trouble breathing through her nose. Cats do not breathe through their mouths unless they absolutely have to so she's forever wheezing and struggling to pull air in through her snotty nose.

Tried using a nebulizer but it didn't help much so she is going back to the vet for an evaluation to see if there is any kind of treatment or maintenance for a cat with a chronic breathing condition.  She's going to be a tough one to get adopted out but there are people out there who want to adopt 'handi-cats' so it will happen.  It will help that she's SO beautiful!

Yes, I started my new job on April 1st, and it's going well.  The people I work with are great and the company is awesome.

But enough.  The most important thing that has happened lately - happened at the end of July.  A brand new sweet, perfect, little life came into the world in the form of my first grandchild.  I'm a GRANDMA!!

My daughter and her husband (Dani & Dan) allowed me (and Dan's Mom) to be there and it was incredibly special.  She came into the world kicking and screaming exactly the way she was supposed to, mostly looked confused and a bit mad about being in a whole new world.  I'm going to post a few pictures but won't be posting her name or details, respecting her parents wishes to not have too much information out there on social media about her.

She's a tiny little thing and after a few weeks still doesn't weigh what either of my kids did when they were born!  Nothing wrong, she's just petite.  D & D bought a house right before the baby was born, and it's less than 2 miles from my house.  You KNOW what that means, right?  Yep!  Babysitting!  When my hours work, that is.  D & D do not have set hours every week so we will see how often I am needed but I am looking forward to every minute!  I know when the time comes, Dani especially is going to have a hard time handing her to someone else to take care of.  Being a nurse she generally works 3 days a week so that's not too bad.  But she works 12 hour shifts so is always very tired after.

Dan is a great partner and jumped right in from the beginning with diapering, bathing, dressing, and comforting a fussy baby. Breast feeding is going well and baby is growing and filling in her tiny little limbs. Dani is a wonderful mom!

So all in all things are WONDERFUL!  If you are not a grandparent I highly recommend it.  I know not everyone chooses to have kids, some do not have the opportunity. But if it happens in your life - you will see what I mean.  It's the best thing I can wish on anybody!

So with all the CRAP going on out in the world, I hope you have your own little slice of heaven to retreat to.  These days - you really need it.

Baby on the way!

We have all had hard times. When hard times coincide with great joy the emotions can be overwhelming. Some wonderful ladies are having a virtual baby shower for Liz over at the house of h. There are even PRIZES involved!! Please head over and have a look and consider participating. Liz is a terrific lady and I only wish I didn’t relate to what she is going through. I didn’t have blog friends when I was in trouble and I am not entirely sure I would have been brave enough to reach out. She is a courageous woman and I admire that.

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Below is a bit of my story. It is not the same as Liz’s – but it is still meant to say – she is not alone.

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I don’t write about this. I haven’t made it a secret but it’s not a favorite blog topic for me. My bankruptcy. It was 4 years ago this month. It’s not an anniversary I celebrate but it saved me.

Sitting in the room before these trustees who were going to decide my fate, I was amazed at the people there trying to win a bankruptcy like it was the lottery. One of the trustees was questioning a woman who was all attitude and little substance.

“I see you petitioned for bankruptcy 2 years ago. Your bankruptcy was not granted. Is that correct?”

“Yeah.” Spoken with her chin thrust upwards.

“And I see that your filing now contains an additional thirty five thousand dollars. Correct?” He was looking at her quizzically now.

“Yeah.” She looked a little bored.

“Tell me what happened between the last time you filed and today, to add thirty five thousand dollars to your filing?”

“Huh?”

“Did you have extraordinary medical expenses? Was legal action taken against you for some reason? Where did the additional thirty five thousand dollars go?”

She didn’t seem to understand why he was asking the question. As if somehow adding that amount of debt in 2 years was an even better reason to grant her petition and not a fact to question.

I sat through several of these types of interviews. When my turn came I was horrified but not surprised to feel tears beginning to form as I made my way up to where the trustees were seated. The trustee was reading my paperwork as I sat down, and then looked up.

“Your total debt is thirty five thousand dollars?” He asked kindly.

“Yes.” I looked down and tried to force my lips to stop trembling. As if I could.

“Tell me what brought you here. What happened?”

I looked up and saw he was looking at me sadly but intently, patiently waiting for the answer he already knew. He had heard it many times before.

I took a shaky breath and started telling him. “It was 10 years of trying to keep my head above water after my divorce. I was trying to take care of my kids and myself and I am just in too deep now. I couldn’t keep my house, I used credit cards to pay bills when I didn’t have any other way. I can’t make even the minimum payments now…”

The trustee was nodding his head and gently interrupted me. “You just can’t keep up anymore.” A statement not a question.

I had to look down again, I was so ashamed to be sitting there in this roomful of people who seemed to think bankruptcy was not a last resort but something they just expected to receive. After the rain you expect the sun to shine, right? Like that. I could barely hold my head up because I felt like such a failure. I wondered how this could possibly be that easy for anyone.

This nice man sitting in front of me was focused on me and my story at that moment. He looked into my eyes as I was talking and silently measured me with the knowledge of a man who has heard it all. But for a few moments he was simply a human being listening compassionately to another – not a government official who had the power to change the direction my life would take from that moment onward.

The look lasted less than a minute and apparently having seen what he needed to he nodded once more and looked down at the papers in front of him.

I was granted my petition that day but more than that – I was granted a fresh start. Somehow the kindness of the trustee who signed my paperwork made me feel forgiven. I didn’t feel dirty or ‘less than’ anymore. He didn’t think I was scamming him, he knew I did not take what I was doing lightly, and he knew I had done everything I could to avoid it.

It isn’t my favorite subject. But it is part of my life and part of my story. It was a huge decision for me and one of the hardest I have ever made. And I am not ashamed.