Sitting here desperately wanting to write something about anything other than what my life actually IS right now. Like my brother coming to visit a week ago, my nephew coming to stay for a few days this week, or the dream I had last night about some animal rights/eco terrorist trying to forcibly make me spay my cat (who is already spayed) using Charlie Sheen as muscle and running scared when Glenn Beck showed up in leather aviator helmet, goggles and scarf to save the day.
That's not weird at all. Ahem.
But what's in my head is the hospital and the nursing home and the phone call I got a little while ago saying "I'm having trouble breathing and they really aren't paying much attention." Of course this being the first day I have taken for myself in I don't know how many days - it left me weeping with frustration and guilt and whatever else a caregiver feels. I started to look around and decided I needed some distraction. I made a bracelet not too long ago but don't feel like making jewelry. I have fabric and quilt patterns and kits even, but don't feel like sewing either.
What should be done today is laundry, dishes, washing the kitchen floor or weeding the flower bed. But instead I am falling back on the simple life saver - making pot holders.There was a time I was going through some emotional upheaval and bought myself a loom and loops and went at it. It's simple, requires no planning or patterns, there is no right way or wrong way, it just IS. I made a whole box of pot holders that time.
If anybody is looking for me .. um .. never mind. I don't want to be found right now. Making pot holders .... coping ...
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Your a good daughter, taking a day now and again gives you back your sanity.... its allowed BettyJo
ReplyDeleteBelieve it or not.
There are a lot of us out there, guilt ridden and over tired....
I said that to my hubby just tonight,I told him his mother gives me guilt trips I don't deserve giving myself.
I don't see her name anywhere on my marriage certificate that says till death do us part.(I checked)
I loved her like my mother but of what she has put me through these last few years, I hate her but I still love her( guilt again).... go figure.
Here is another revelation.... I want my old life back... before she came to live with us....happier times... carefree times....I feel like I am getting my life blood drained by her and her alzheimers....( more guilt)
So sick of her drama every day...( ok tons of guilt...pour it on )
There ... that should make you feel your not alone in the older parent department...
Pot holders for you... granny squares for me.. a mountain of the damn guilty things...
Diane
I'm with Diane . You do exactly what you need to do and try your utmost not to feel guilty . I admire that you still do your blogs amidst it all . You're quite amazing . How do you do it?
ReplyDeleteNo words.. just {{{{Hugs}}}}
ReplyDeleteThere is never enough of us to go around and there never will be. You have to take care of yourself so that you can take care of others. Keep weaving.
ReplyDelete