Thursday, December 29, 2011

A for entertainment value (It's NOT a Penis!)

Went to the doctor tonight, got weighed - actually gained about 4 lbs.  Did not surprise me in the least.  A nurse put me in a room to wait for Dr. Cute where I would have my fill done in a few minutes.  There was a fluoroscope in the room.  Basically it's an x-ray where you stand in front of this metal disk and the thing in front of you takes pictures while you watch your innards on the screen.  

Waiting is not my favorite activity but I spent the 15 minutes or so alone in that room giggling like a jr high student.  Because this was the image left on the screen from the previous patient.

Um, yeah.  I know, right?  When the doc came in I showed it to him and asked what it was.  He obviously did not want to acknowledge what it looked like and proceeded to show me where it was actually a woman's stomach pouch and part of her breast and .. then he had to smile and admit he could see why I would think it was something else.  Picture me laughing now.  When he realized I thought it was extremely funny like any teenage boy would, he went and got the nurse and the receptionist telling them he needed them to help him with something.  The funniest thing was the 2 of them looking at the screen and tilting their heads and not saying a word as if they were trying to make sense of some piece of modern art.  Finally Dr. Cute says "It looks like a penis!"  And those 2 women still weren't sure if they should laugh.  Me?  Tears.  The doctor?  Laughing too.  And I am still not convinced that really is some woman's stomach pouch.  No matter how I look at it I can't see that.  Because below - this is my stomach.  Looks quite different, doesn't it?

Click to see it bigger
Enjoy.  :)  :)  :)


Wednesday, December 28, 2011

So this surgery thing ...

Tomorrow I go back to see my surgeon, for the 3rd time since my surgery in August.  Lap Band surgery.  Right from the get-go after my operation I discovered that I could still eat anything I wanted.  I spoke to a girl at work with a band who said she hasn't eaten steak in 2 years.  I was able to eat it in my 2nd week.  And when you don't feel that restriction - it's like just trying to diet the way you would normally - which I have proved I am no good at.  Awkward sentence structure anyone?  Anyway.

The doctor reassured me and told me everyone is different.  Some people only require the band itself - that puts enough restriction on their stomach to make them cut way back on what they eat and how much.  Other people require 1 fill, or 2 or more - where they fill the reservoir around the band with saline to make it tighter.  I have had 2 fills so far.  I can still eat a whole sandwich, I can eat chewy meat and taffy.  Not together of course.  The only time I have had any real trouble was one day at work when I ate a hard boiled egg and must not have been paying attention and didn't chew it as well as I should have or eaten it slowly enough.  Next thing I knew I was nauseated and was sitting at my desk with my garbage can in my lap, waiting to throw up.  But it passed pretty quickly and that has not happened again.

A couple bites of dry toast got a little stuck once, but then it passed and I was able to continue on and eat what I wanted.  I don't even get too full very quickly.

As happy as I have been in other aspects of my life, this is my one disappointment lately.  I admit I did not even attempt to eat well over the holidays, and I can tell in my energy level I've had too much sugar and in my waistband that I have eaten too much of the wrong things.  

We will see what the doctor says tomorrow.  He told me last time that he knows people who are overweight always feel like they are failing - and he doesn't want me to feel that I am failing with this.  He said if I fail - that means he fails too.  At least he's supportive and isn't going to beat me up.  Obviously he is used to working with people who are really good at beating themselves up.  He knows not to add to it.

We will see.  Just one more challenge I guess, one more fight to win.

But tomorrow I need the doc to explain to me (don't know why I didn't think of this before surgery!!) why this isn't the same as a cow having more than one stomach!  Look at the illustration.  I eat and the top stomach gets a bit full, but since I take small bites and chew really well it passes down into the second stomach and I can just keep going.  Right?  No?  Well he's going to need to tell me why that isn't true.

Because really, when you feel a bit cow-ish to begin with, you don't want to resemble one gastronomically too!


Oh.  That rhymes.  I didn't mean to do that.  Really.


Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Trying to enjoy the process

Y'know this house stuff is all so complicated.  There are appraisals and applications and disclosures and Realtors and loan officers and attorneys and inspectors and contractors and sellers and .. and .. I'm sure there are more.  I've come to really like my loan officer and my realtor, they are both great people and tons of fun.  I know, not something usually associated with those positions, but I tend to break the ice right off the bat because if it's not going to be at least a little bit fun, I don't wanna do it.  And oh boy some of this can be tedious.

If I look at my lady (my GPS - doesn't everyone call it their lady?) there are an incredible amount of addresses.  Being the queen of online shopping I was finding properties faster than most - and emailing my realtor and asking  to see the listing, why is this one so cheap, why is this one so something else ... to the point that if I were him - I might have gotten exasperated and started avoiding my emails!  Instead he laughed and showed me what I wanted to see, gave me the information I requested.  Great guy!

At this point I feel like when you're 2 weeks pregnant and don't want to tell anyone anything because you aren't sure what might happen before everything is certain.  But things are moving along.  

I've made some new friends during this process, and saw an old one too - all in all it's been a great experience so far.

Now lets just hope the pregnancy goes full term.  I'll let you know when it looks like it might.


Sunday, December 25, 2011

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Feeling it.

Many times in my life my happiness hinged on whether I was in a relationship and if I was - whether it was working or not.  You always hear that you have to love yourself before you can truly love someone else, you have to wade through your own garbage before you can share it with someone else.  Er.. or something like that.  But none of the knowledge stored in my noggin made a damn bit of difference when it came to what I felt in my heart.  And my heart always seemed to be breaking.  

Fast forward several years and I have trouble reaching deep and touching those emotions again.  They are remembered but they are no longer felt.

 I do not believe I will ever be willing to marry again.  I have a feeling my relationships will always be a bit at arm's length.  Yet knowing these things I still find myself being content and satisfied with myself.  At peace even.  My kids are great and I am making moves in my life I never imagined doing on my own.  

It seems this is the season for realizing that life is good.  Pretty sure I've never felt it as much as I do now, and it feels amazing.

52 has been a very good year.


Monday, December 19, 2011

Sunday, December 18, 2011

They laugh!

.. when I say I'm properly medicated now.  And I do say it as a joke.  But when I think back to the years between oh ... 20 and 40 with some teen years thrown in for good measure, I was depressed.  More depressed than I knew.  And at 35 when I started to pursue treatment for it .. it took me YEARS to find the right meds.  And now - it has made such a difference in my life from confidence to anxiety (or lack of) to happiness and coping skills I have been heard to say the only way you will get these meds away from me is someday prying them out of my cold dead hands.  I never want to go back there again.

So when I say yep - I'm properly medicated now and they laugh - I'm laughing right along with them. That's something I may not have been able to do once upon a time.

And I am grateful.


Saturday, December 17, 2011


This.  I really want this coffee table.  But since it generally runs about $450.00 - over $500.00 with shipping, it's not going to be mine.

But this one - is made from pallets.  You have to know which pallets to pick, what they've been used for and which ones are made from treated wood and which are not.  But pallets are cheap - or free - if you know where to go.    

Which brings me to - 


Eh?  You think I'll find someone?  Cause I really like that table.  If I had the proper tools and knew where to look for pallets I might try it myself. 


Friday, December 16, 2011

I float like a butterfly .. okay maybe not.

My middle name is not Grace.  There have been falls.  Sometimes there has been ice involved, or curbs or stoops or even .. ahem .. flat ground.  Sometimes the surface itself is not even involved in the fall - until I hit it, that is.  Cats under my feet do not usually get me, although they try, God knows they do.  But that thing where you move from one spot to another by  putting one foot in front of the other - that tends to be tricky for me.  I have no idea why.

My daughter mentioned the other day that she shudders to think of me buying a house that has stairs I would be treading every day.  Hmm.  My thought has always been - good!  Exercise!  Her thought is - oh no!  Death trap!

Somehow those thoughts have not entered my mind when house-hunting.  Maybe they should.  

Nah!  I'll let my daughter have the thoughts and I'll just be careful.  :)

**Edited to add:  My realtor let me know he was not available on a specific date because he was taking a class.  Since I want to know everything I asked what he was learning.  His answer proves that my unsteady footing is well known.

To deal with clients
Like how to break a clients fall
Normal stuff


Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Is this kitchen okay?


It's not really big, but it's pretty, right?


Tuesday, December 13, 2011



Sitting in a coffee shop this evening with some time to kill, waiting for my friend to arrive I spent about a half hour reading  my Post Secret app.  If you're familiar with Post Secret, the app is different.  Instead of just secrets there are a lot posts about longing for love, lost love, bad love, and any other kind of love you can imagine.  There are also a lot of 'days sober' and disturbingly - many 'I don't want to live anymore' posts.

Being a moody and depressed teen (and adult, for that matter!) myself at one time, I had to look around and say - damn!  I'm pretty doggone happy with things these days.  

Really.  Thank God.


Monday, December 12, 2011

Maxine Monday

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**Family - please remember Maxine does not necessarily speak for me.
   Thank you.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

I cannot believe this is in my freezer!

It was funny on Saturday Night Live.  But I haven't had any desire to try this.  My daughter has, and this pint belongs to my son.  It defies logic.


Thursday, December 8, 2011

Christmas is my holiday

Not like it doesn't belong to anyone else.  In the way that it has always been my favorite and I love, Love, LOVE my Christmas tree every year.  Except this year .. I just didn't quite feel like it.  Maybe because of the house hunting, I feel like I'm halfway out the door already, not sure.  But the idea of putting up my big, full, detailed, did I mention BIG tree this year was just not appealing.  So I bought myself a 40 dollar skinny tree (pre-lit) and decorated it in pastels with a few splashes of red.  This suits me for Christmas, 2011.  Hopefully next year, this will be only one of two trees in my new house!

Hope you're enjoying the run-up to Christmas!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Who is next?

Jakie with her feeding tube
Usually I write about Riley, my crabby ol' man cat.  He's old, he's crabby, and he has a thyroid condition. But he's not who I wanted to write about today.  Today - it's Jake.  Jake is a girl.  She's the kitty that has always been the favorite because she is so sweet and friendly.  She will climb on anybodies lap, and tends to gravitate to people who don't like cats or do not want contact with cat hair.  She's nice like that.

Back in 2006 Jakie developed hepatic lipidemia.  Lipidosis.  Something like that.  She stopped eating and drinking and we finally had to resort to a feeding tube to get her to eat again.  Not too long after the feeding tube was removed, she went right back to her full figured self again and all was well.  

Yesterday after being
 manhandled by the vet.
Recently my daughter pointed out to me how tiny Jake was looking.  Me - huh?  What are you talking about?  Well when you see them every day .. and when you use rationals like - well she's getting old, she's shrinking - you just don't realize what's happening.  And I knew she was eating - I have made sure of it ever since her episode of anorexia.

Took her to the vet yesterday, Jakie weighed 11 lbs last time she was there, now she is only 6 lbs.  I am such a BAD fur-mommy!!!  Got the results of her blood tests today, turns out she too has a thyroid disorder.  Actually pretty common in older cats.  Sheesh.  And actually, that's the good news because I was worried it was diabetes which is much more complicated to treat in a cat.  

The doc is calling in a prescription for Jake, I gave her one of Riley's pills tonight and will pick up her script tomorrow.  Hopefully she will gain some weight and be her old Jakie self again, and just maybe I will start paying closer attention to my kitties.  BAD FUR-MOMMY!!!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Sunday, November 27, 2011

House selling tip #2

If you want to sell your house, especially in this market when the odds are in the buyers favor, GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE when someone wants to see it!!  

Many of the homes I've looked at have been unoccupied, no furniture, nothing.  And some have people still living in them, but no one was there when we went through.  But then there are those houses where the owner just insists on being there. 

Let me tell you it's awfully uncomfortable looking at someones home with them right there.  You don't open closets, don't comment on the floors or cabinets you hate, you wonder about things you are not comfortable enough to ask about or look at with the owners there.  Good manners tells you to take your shoes off (a good idea anyway) and to tell someone what a lovely home they have.  But that is not what you are there for. You are there to evaluate the home by your own standards, which may mean talking out loud about what changes you would want or need to make whether it is paint colors to removing walls or ripping out some of the homeowners hand picked light fixtures.  Not easy to do when the people who picked those light fixtures are within earshot.

There is one home, a cute cape cod that I have been wanting to see.  We have asked 3 times and each time the owner would have to be there.  After seeing 2 other homes with people in them, I am not willing to do it again.  FINALLY I have a couple of days off and the owner has agreed to be home to let us in (no lock boxes for her!) and then she will leave - at noon on Tuesday.  

I do not know if she always wants to be there because she thinks we will steal her blind or what, but to me it feels like she really doesn't want to sell her house.  Still ... it's on the market and I finally have a chance to see it!  Bad side though, trying to see it so many times - I'm bound to be disappointed by what it actually is - but we will see.  At least I actually get to go inside!  SHEESH!!

So the actual tip is - if you want to sell your house - don't make people BEG TO SEE IT!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

During the best of times ..

... and the worst of times

There is always something to be thankful for.


Monday, November 21, 2011

Saturday, November 19, 2011


If you're selling your house and have moved out, please leave the heat on.  You don't have to leave it on 70 degrees but can you at least leave it in the 60's?  I mean .. unless you don't want to sell your house.  

I cannot speak for anyone else but for me, it's hard for me to picture myself making a home out of an empty house when I  AM FREEZING MY TOOKUS OFF while seeing it!!!

Just sayin'.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Good enough

When I was married, the money was handled by my husband.  I was so conscious about saving money, I never shopped or bought so much as a diaper without asking him first.  He went out and bought himself $800.00 suits (in the early 80's) but I wouldn't even buy myself new socks without running it by him.  We had children, I grew up in a house, I wanted my children to grow up in a house.

For a period of about a year or maybe it was 2, we lived in a one bedroom apartment. Our queen sized bed and a mattress on the floor for the kids along with 3 dressers were all crammed into one bedroom.  But to me - we were saving money for a house.

When we bought the house, it wasn't long before I found out my marriage was irretrievably broken, not even worth going to counseling (according to him) and I could not keep my house for long after that.  It was a few years in total, but I had to sell it or I would have lost it.

Since then my living arrangements, furniture, everything has been "good enough".  Not "good", but "good enough".  My $50.00 thrift store couch has lasted me for a number of years.  My car is 10 years old, the house I live in was not one I liked when I moved in but it was again, good enough.  

The guy I was dating for many years after my divorce would fix things or build things for me but it was always with that "good enough" attitude, not necessarily good, but good enough. It was what I was accustomed to.  Good enough, and not expecting more. 

It's only been in the last year or so that I've started to get fed up with "good enough".  I have worked very hard for a long time, why can't I have "good"?  If I have worked for it, if I am supporting myself and can afford it, why do I still feel guilty about wanting "good" now??

This is making finding a house very difficult.  (well, that and the fact that I am CRAZY!!!!)

Just sayin'.


Monday, November 14, 2011

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Best things I've purchased on Etsy lately.

This magnet.  I made my own magnet for the dishwasher but it wasn't nice and sturdy and was getting ratty and ready to toss.  This new one SO fit the bill.

Click the pic for the shop

This purse organizer.  I am always on the hunt for the perfect purse but it's mostly the inside, not the outside that fails me.  They all become a black hole for my stuff which I manage to rummage through and flip everything around so nothing is available at a glance.  Hoping an organizer will address my real issue with purses.

Click the pic for the shop

These beads.  Crackle agate, aren't they pretty?

Click the pic for the shop

I didn't buy this bracelet on Etsy, but it is what I made with the beads above - and am selling on Etsy.

Click the pic for the shop

I never get bored searching Etsy.  The creativity of people never ceases to amaze me!


Monday, November 7, 2011

Sign me up!

Spent most of Saturday running from one house to a townhouse to another townhouse to .. and in the middle of it and far from home the lady in my car who gives me directions decided to think a USB was plugged into her and would only wait for further instructions from a computer.  Nice.

Almost put an offer on a townhouse that was really nice, until the trek home took over a half hour and 2 tolls and I decided I didn't want to live in **Egypt.  It was really nice, though, backed up to woods with a deck upstairs and walkout patio below.  Nice.  But .. Egypt, remember.

Today was Riley's drinking day, getting out of work on time was difficult as it was and then after feeding the crabby old man cat I managed to corner him and get him in his carrier for the drive to the vet.  The drive ... the drive apparently required keys.  Funny, that.  Keys!  Who would have thought? 

You know how you're supposed to retrace your steps to figure out where you left something or even what you were thinking earlier?  Yeah.  Heh heh.  I released Riley from the carrier while on the phone with the vet, talking over the lady's hysterical laughter when telling her why we couldn't make it.  She said we still had some time if the keys showed up so when I hung up the phone I tried one more time.

Retrieving a fresh garbage bag to start transferring garbage from the half full can one piece at a time to the bag - hoping to find my keys - which you know would be at the bottom because they weigh more than paper towels and paper plates.  But for some reason I stopped before actually digging into my garbage treasure trove and went over to the counter where my mountain o' mail resides.

Well I'll be!  Of course!  The kitchen junk drawer!  Who DOESN'T keep their keys there!??

Mind you, I had only been home for about 20 minutes, and 18 of those minutes were spent looking in the pantry, the refrigerator, bathroom, bedroom, between the cushions on the couch, under the telephone table and chair by the door, in the Halloween candy, outside in my car ... in the cat carrier once I freed Riley, in the utility room .. but of course.  The junk drawer!

Why didn't I think of that???  I guess I did.  Ahem.

Is there a support group for losing your mind? 


Maxine Monday

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