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Embroidery projects brought to the nursing home have been untouched. Crochet projects, undone. The knitting needles and yarn sit unused. Even the silly little paint by numbers kit hasn't been attempted.
For over a month I collected photos, family photos, scanned then, sized them, put over a hundred and thirty of them on different backgrounds, added some landscapes and flowers and loaded them on a 12" digital picture frame and brought that to my mom.
My daughter and her fiance' visit regularly and read to her, bring her black jelly beans, ice cream, and even freeze dried space ice cream which she loves.
I do her laundry and bring her grape juice, take her downstairs to the little aviary to see the birds and wheel her outside to the patio when the weather is good. I clean the jello from the floor,
pick up the peas and the other food she drops. I charge her phone, download apps and
help her listen to her voicemail. I advocate for her, talk to the doctors and nurses and aids, search through the nursing home laundry in the basement for missing clothes.
My brothers and my nephew came in to visit from out of state, brought her chocolate, stuffed animals and hugs and kisses.
But ...
NONE OF US CAN GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS.
She talks about going to Target to find a pot for a plant. Or going to the bank to open a new account. She asks when she can go to visit my brother in New Jersey to see the plants around his house. She wants to go and do the things other people do.
I'm afraid to take her out.
She is too weak to walk more than a few feet without losing her breath. She has a huge oxygen tank attached to the back of the wheelchair she uses and the logistics terrify me.
I can't do it. The one thing she wants, and I cannot give it to her.
Embroidery projects brought to the nursing home have been untouched. Crochet projects, undone. The knitting needles and yarn sit unused. Even the silly little paint by numbers kit hasn't been attempted.
For over a month I collected photos, family photos, scanned then, sized them, put over a hundred and thirty of them on different backgrounds, added some landscapes and flowers and loaded them on a 12" digital picture frame and brought that to my mom.
My daughter and her fiance' visit regularly and read to her, bring her black jelly beans, ice cream, and even freeze dried space ice cream which she loves.
I do her laundry and bring her grape juice, take her downstairs to the little aviary to see the birds and wheel her outside to the patio when the weather is good. I clean the jello from the floor,
pick up the peas and the other food she drops. I charge her phone, download apps and help her listen to her voicemail. I advocate for her, talk to the doctors and nurses and aids, search through the nursing home laundry in the basement for missing clothes.
My brothers and my nephew came in to visit from out of state, brought her chocolate, stuffed animals and hugs and kisses.
But ...
NONE OF US CAN GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS.
She talks about going to Target to find a pot for a plant. Or going to the bank to open a new account. She asks when she can go to visit my brother in New Jersey to see the plants around his house. She wants to go and do the things other people do.
I'm afraid to take her out.
She is too weak to walk more than a few feet without losing her breath. She has a huge oxygen tank attached to the back of the wheelchair she uses and the logistics terrify me.
I can't do it. The one thing she wants, and I cannot give it to her.
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this has to be so frustrating and upsetting for you.
ReplyDeletei wish i had something wise to say, but i don't. hang in there, friend?
You and your family are doing all you can for her. Your best. You can't do more than that. Your mother is lucky to have family who care so very much.
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine how hard this must be and how bad you must feel. But I agree with your other commenters, you are doing everything you can do. And that is all you can do. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteEasy to say, but just do what you can - as you are. But I know that won't take away your feelings of frustration.
ReplyDeleteJust know that you are doing all you can for her and what is best for her, even if she doesn't think so.
ReplyDeleteI loved looking at the photos!
ReplyDelete