Are you good at keeping in touch? Reaching out and checking on people? I'm not. That is a huge failing on my part, and I hate it.
A number of years ago before the Internet and smart phones, I had a friend who I had known since high school. We both got married and had babies and only kept in touch a couple times a year. I drove out to visit her a couple times, but could not get her to come see me. Never sure why, we only lived about 30 minutes apart.
Fast forward a number of years and both of us were divorced. She started calling me now and then and it seemed she was drinking when we spoke. I passed it off as drunken sentimentality and did not worry. But then she started calling me more often and was really sloppy, telling me about all that was bad and wrong in her life, but never really listening to me when I tried to help. Mostly, I just listened.
To my shame, at some point I stopped answering the phone. It was too hard to listen to her.
She died on the lawn of a transient motel, having had an aortic aneurism, alone.
I had no idea she had spiraled so far, had used up every last favor by family and friends, and her only companion had been a bottle. Because of course, I had stopped answering the phone and moved on with my life.
Relationships are not always easy. Sometimes relationships are impossible. But if you don't pay attention, if you don't put in the effort, be prepared for the consequences, whatever they may be.
My friend's fate was much worse than mine, and I know I did not cause it. But I am haunted just the same.
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