Questions I Never Asked My Doctor

My personal physician of over 30 years has passed away. Suddenly. 

This is very strange, the mix of emotions are confusing to me. I knew this man for what seems like forever. He was there for my kidney stones, my colon cancer, various surgeries and procedures I've had over the years. He managed my medications, ordered my blood work, and applied his smart a$$ sense of humor liberally. 

And suddenly, he is gone and I feel like I'm grieving the man. I'm shocked, in disbelief that he is no

longer in his office kvetching about other doctors but always spending time and never rushing me through an appointment. He isn't there working past office closing, eating chocolate at his desk and giving instructions to his nurse. 

He actually isn't there anymore. It's real.

I'm angry because about a year ago I told him I needed him to give me the name of another doctor in case he retired, I did not want to be passed to one of his partners, I wanted someone he would recommend because - it was going to need to be someone he would approve of. He said he would think about it, but he wasn't going to retire for another 10 years. I never got that name.

This man played a big part in my life for the last 30+ years and I realized I never asked him "how are you doing, how are you feeling?" My visits were always about me, not him, although he did tell some funny stories about his son or his mom. But I never knew how HE was.

His name was Richard Cash. He was an internist and a beloved one at that. And as I searched for an obituary I realized I didn't know what his family called him, his wife - did she call him Dick? No, he wasn't a Dick - although he would beg to differ. :) Rich? Maybe. I do know his mother called him god (with a small g) because medically he was EVERYTHING. What did she call him, I wonder? Besides god, I mean.

There was  a string posted on social media about someone losing their primary care doctor, and it went on and on and on - once everyone realized the post was about Dr. Cash. People adored him, they trusted him, they were feeling at a loss just like I was. And someone said he was a twin! How come I didn't know that? Apparently his twin has passed as well.

He was my doctor but he was also a human being and I feel terrible that I did not ask him questions about HIM more than I did. It's a very selfish feeling. There is no obituary, except a couple fake ones. Even some guy with a thick Indian accent talking about him on a YouTube video, basically repeating what one of the fake obits said. What is THAT all about, anyway? Fake obituaries?? People are vultures.

So, no obituary, no pictures, he rarely allowed them to be taken - and never - for his profession. It's like he's been erased. Makes me sad. I will miss him greatly.

Rest in Peace Dr. Cash. You deserved more time.