Mindless entertainment

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Okay I admit it. If I run into it, I watch Hogan Knows Best. I do. And I enjoy it. Rock of Love was like watching a train wreck. You cover your face with your hands but still peek between your fingers. But I like the Hogan’s.

I never watched wrestling, still don’t, but everybody knows who Hulk Hogan is, right? First time I saw it I was like, “why would anybody want to watch them?” But they are a nice family and you don’t see too many nice families on TV anymore.

The episode that prompts me to write is the one where the Hogan parents get their son Nick a practice baby when he doesn’t take Hulk’s fatherly sex talk seriously enough. I wouldn’t have been able to take it very seriously either with Hulk saying things like “well if you ever need to pull your weapon out, you know how to protect yourself, right?” Or “if you get too many RPM’s goin’ and get a flat tire” … ! I’m sorry, but what 16 or 17 year old kid could keep a straight face with his dad saying that kind of stuff to him?

Still, I enjoy watching Hulk being the protective dad that I really believe he is. I think most women love to see a big burly guy turn out to be a huge teddy bear at home. It’s sweet. I will admit to crying the week Hulk and wife Linda were having problems and went to counseling. At the end Hulk read a poem he had written to his wife, with her and the kids in attendance. It was real too, because the poetry was bad, but Hulk cried, Linda cried, and so did I. It was very touching.

But back to the baby. Nick was told he would be grounded for 2 weeks if he didn’t go along with his parent’s project, so they tied the wristband that identified him as the parent to the electronic baby that came in the mail, and let him loose. I loved all of it. Watching him leave a restaurant because he couldn’t make the baby stop crying, asking his dad to babysit and getting turned down. Welcome to the real world Nick!

Watching him put the baby to sleep in a little cradle next to his bed and then rolling in fully clothed for the night was typical of a teenage boy but also for one who was tired out by the demands of a baby he had no idea how to care for.

It was only 24 hours but Nick was exhausted. He got a report card at the end because the baby recorded what he did, whether he burped her, changed her, or handled her properly. Nick got a C which his parents deemed pretty good for his first day ever being a full time parent, and I have to agree.

In the morning after a rough night, Nick rolled out of bed, grabbed the baby out of the closed guitar case, sat down and stabbed the bottle at her mouth while sleepily saying “I come in peace.”

A guitar case!! With the lid closed! Why the heck didn’t I ever think of that???

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