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In a situation like this it's amazing how many people help you through it. People who don't know you, don't know your loved one, but are there to help, guide, and comfort. Like Kim from the E.R.. She told me about her mother and when she died, she came up to see my mom 2 days after she could have forgotten about her, she offered her comfort and let me know my mom had touched her. There was Rich, a chaplain who sat with me on Sunday for a good 3 hours in the E.R. and talked with me about all kinds of things. Quiet and simple conversation to make the time passing not so agonizing. Velina on the 6th floor was exceptionally caring and gentle with my mom, and Lisa, the hospital/hospice liaison. Kari, too. They have all been wonderful.
Dr. Santa (yes, really) and Dr. Short, extremely gentle and kind and thankfully, honest with me. It seems at every turn there is someone asking if I need something, if I think my mom is comfortable, asking me what I want to do, what measures we want to take. There have been 2 more chaplains that have stopped in to offer solace and Elizabeth from the hospice team who is a constant, compassionate and helpful in letting my daughter and I know what the actual signs of dying are, what things and actions mean. Sometimes there is great comfort in the science. Of course there are the people I work with who have been keeping in contact and offering support, they have all been wonderful through is. And my blog-friends are terrific, always willing to listen to my happy and my sad and to offer their kinds words even when it's a difficult time and subject.
I came home just to feed my animals so my crabby old man cat doesn't poop on my bed, and to shower, but I felt a need to do this as well. My mom is tough, she is hanging on but is surely going. I have had a lot of time to say everything I need to say for me, and everything (I hope) she needs to hear. And writing here is one more way of working through the process.
My mom lived with my brother for 2 years and now he says I signed up for the hard leg of the journey. But truly, I am glad for the opportunity. And I am thankful for the angels on earth who are helping me through it.
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I am sure you are going through a mountain of emotions right now,it is the hardest thing to watch your parent die little by little and you know there is not a damn thing you can do to reverse it, all you can do at this point is love her and make her more comfortable.I am so sorry you have this difficult journey ahead of you.
ReplyDeleteWhen my Mom passed away from lung cancer 2 years ago that's how I felt ... I had taken the last journey along with her,it broke my heart and the day she passed away I realized I was not a child anymore,and a page turned in my book of life,it was one of the hardest page to turn and to accept her death.
I wish I could hug you.Please feel free to email me anytime to vent or just want to sound out your feelings to another person.I have been in your shoes and I am so sorry for you.
Hug your Mom for me.
Diane
Bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad for you and your mother that you have such good people around her. Love to you.
ReplyDeleteWords are inadequate at times like these, but you will be in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI really feel for you having been there myself..
ReplyDeleteYou are in my thoughts x
What a blessing to have had so many kind & caring people around you & your mom.
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