Many times in my life my happiness hinged on whether I was in a relationship and if I was - whether it was working or not. You always hear that you have to love yourself before you can truly love someone else, you have to wade through your own garbage before you can share it with someone else. Er.. or something like that. But none of the knowledge stored in my noggin made a damn bit of difference when it came to what I felt in my heart. And my heart always seemed to be breaking.
Fast forward several years and I have trouble reaching deep and touching those emotions again. They are remembered but they are no longer felt.
I do not believe I will ever be willing to marry again. I have a feeling my relationships will always be a bit at arm's length. Yet knowing these things I still find myself being content and satisfied with myself. At peace even. My kids are great and I am making moves in my life I never imagined doing on my own.
It seems this is the season for realizing that life is good. Pretty sure I've never felt it as much as I do now, and it feels amazing.
52 has been a very good year.