Saturday, August 30, 2014

Dog-sitting instruction manual

.. written by my daughter Dani.  I am watching my grandpuppy Rue, for the weekend.

Drop off: 8/29 around 12pm
Pick up: 9/1 around 10pm

Morning (whenever you get up):
-Outside! Rue will poop and pee
-Food: One scoop

Evening (‘tween 4 & 6):
-Outside! Rue will poop and pee
-Food: One scoop

Bedtime (whenever you go to bed):
-Outside! Rue will pee
-She is used to sleeping in bed with people
If you prefer, you can put her in a room with some pillows or blanket; she’ll be fine—maybe a little cranky but fine

Commands (allegedly):
-“Rue, sit” + point finger at floor
-“Rue, off” + point at where you want her to go
-“Rue, stay” + stop signal with hand
-“Rue, come” + good luck with that
-“Rue, do you wanna go OUTSIDE?”
-“Rue, TOY! Rue, where’s your TOY?” + enthusiasm
-“You gotta bring it here” (re: toy)
-“Do you wanna go to BED?"
-“Rue, where ’s the money? Where’s the money, Rue?” + weapon

Dog is staring, whining, and stomping at you: Let her outside
Dog is staring, whining, and stomping at you: Ask her, “Rue, where’s your TOY?” repeatedly until she brings it to you. Throw it.
Dog is staring, whining, and stomping at you: Sell her on Craigslist
Dog is barking: Sorry she just does that and we’re working on a patch for it but it probably won’t come out until Rue 6.0
Dog’s breath smells: Give greenie
Dog needs to stop doing something: Clap once loudly, say “Rue, NO” OR make a guttural “EHH” sound like a buzzer on a 60’s game show (see: Truth or Consequences)
Dog is annoying: Give rawhide
Dog is annoying: Hypnotize with petting
Dog is annoying: Let outside
Dog is annoying: Maybe you aren’t a dog person. Try harder
Dog seems excessively itchy: Give 1/2 a benedryl wrapped in a bit of American Cheese
Dog is sick: Call vet: Palatine Family Pet Care - 847-496-5387, then call me
Dog is sick and vet is closed: Take to closest animal hospital, then call me

Or just call me. Or text me. Or something. Enjoy! Thank you!

PS: Rue does not like: Loud beeping sounds, getting wet, when you blow in her face, most other dogs, most dry dog biscuits, and Nancy Grace.


  1. Hi Girlfriend, glad I stopped in for a visit but won't stay long as I see you are busy going over the list of things you may need to do, too funny.