Dog-sitting instruction manual

.. written by my daughter Dani.  I am watching my grandpuppy Rue, for the weekend.

RUE INSTRUCTIONS

Drop off: 8/29 around 12pm

Pick up: 9/1 around 10pm

Morning (whenever you get up):

-Outside! Rue will poop and pee

-Food: One scoop

Evening (‘tween 4 & 6):

-Outside! Rue will poop and pee

-Food: One scoop

Bedtime (whenever you go to bed):

-Outside! Rue will pee

-She is used to sleeping in bed with people

If you prefer, you can put her in a room with some pillows or blanket; she’ll be fine—maybe a little cranky but fine

Commands (allegedly):

-“Rue, sit” + point finger at floor

-“Rue, off” + point at where you want her to go

-“Rue, stay” + stop signal with hand

-“Rue, come” + good luck with that

-“Rue, do you wanna go OUTSIDE?”

-“Rue, TOY! Rue, where’s your TOY?” + enthusiasm

-“You gotta bring it here” (re: toy)

-“Do you wanna go to BED?"

-“Rue, where ’s the money? Where’s the money, Rue?” + weapon

Troubleshooting:

Dog is staring, whining, and stomping at you: Let her outside

Dog is staring, whining, and stomping at you: Ask her, “Rue, where’s your TOY?” repeatedly until she brings it to you. Throw it.

Dog is staring, whining, and stomping at you: Sell her on Craigslist

Dog is barking: Sorry she just does that and we’re working on a patch for it but it probably won’t come out until Rue 6.0

Dog’s breath smells: Give greenie

Dog needs to stop doing something: Clap once loudly, say “Rue, NO” OR make a guttural “EHH” sound like a buzzer on a 60’s game show (see: Truth or Consequences)

Dog is annoying: Give rawhide

Dog is annoying: Hypnotize with petting

Dog is annoying: Let outside

Dog is annoying: Maybe you aren’t a dog person. Try harder

Dog seems excessively itchy: Give 1/2 a benedryl wrapped in a bit of American Cheese

Dog is sick: Call vet: Palatine Family Pet Care - 847-496-5387, then call me

Dog is sick and vet is closed: Take to closest animal hospital, then call me

Or just call me. Or text me. Or something. Enjoy! Thank you!

PS: Rue does not like: Loud beeping sounds, getting wet, when you blow in her face, most other dogs, most dry dog biscuits, and Nancy Grace.