I’m not that kind of girl. Normally.

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Sometimes an obsessive personality pays off. Generally it’s just a pain in the behind, but every once in a while it can bring rewards. Going into details would be a total “Dooce” and I won’t do that. But, I got an award at work. Woo hoo!

I received a certificate which had a website URL and an access code to “go shopping” for my award. Fun concept really, I have gotten awards in the past but the gifts you get to choose from these days have improved. Still, when I signed in and clicked to see ALL, I was surprised at not only the variety of things, but the different values of the choices. The awards have certain levels and you would think that all the choices at each level would have the same approximate monetary value.

Well, apparently not!

My office – roommate at work got an award recently, and she chose one of those screened tents for the backyard – you know, so you can sit in your yard and not be bothered by bugs and stuff. I was surprised at her choice because I would consider her a “fancy-girl”, someone to whom Dolce & Gabbana means something. Much more so than I am. I could never afford to be anyway so it’s good my tastes don’t run that direction.

I could have chosen meat if I wanted to. Nice meat too, or lobster. Looking at the pictures gave me a hankering for steak as I am totally a carnivore. But I kept looking. There were gift cards for Merry Maids and spa treatments, car rentals, things like that. There were some power tools I had my eye on, and a weed whacker and a purse as well. I didn’t consider the golf balls at all, or the mixer or waffle maker, and none of the watches or gadgets appealed to me.

In the end I found choosing very difficult so I starting clicking on things I wouldn’t normally consider, just to see more info. One of them was a Tiffany’s gift card. Gulp. Everything else seemed to run the gamut from about $30.00 to about $150.00. The Macy’s gift card was for $100.00. But the Tiffany’s gift card? 500. Dollars. I closed it and opened it again to see if I was reading it right and all of a sudden in front of God and all my cats – I became a “Fancy-girl!” I couldn’t help myself.

I know I won’t get a lot for $500.00 at Tiffany’s, but for once I decided on total indulgence without any view to the practical. Just this once I’m going to be a “fancy-girl” without guilt. Sweet!

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How many can you name?

Okay, call me a sap.

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I feel bad after watching Jon & Kate Plus 8. It was so obvious how far apart Jon and Kate are, for whatever reason. It seems what it comes down to is Kate wants to continue the show because it provides for the family. And Jon on the other hand, doesn't want to do it anymore because he doesn't like the stuff attached to becoming a celebrity.

It's sad to see any family break apart and I hope this one isn't heading there - as much as it looks like it. I don't know if Jon is having an affair, not my business. Or Kate - with her bodyguard? Puh-lease. I am not privy to whether or not Kate has gone from "Mom to Monster" as some of the tabloids are reporting. I just know I was sucked in when the show started, I love watching the kids - all 8 of them, and how their parents handle life with all that entails. I don't want to see it all fall apart.


I just keep remembering the evening my ex and I sat our kids down to tell them we were getting a divorce. I still count it as one of the worst, if not THE worst day of my life. That's where my feelings lie regarding this family. I hope they don't end up there. Sad.

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Maxine Memorial Day Monday

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And never forget the sacrifices.

This is one kitty who knows how to relax.

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Where are you Ma?

I don’t remember ever actively thinking about what kind of old lady my mom would be. But I think I always liked the idea of a Maxine. A feisty old lady who finding herself free late in life – would be embracing it exploring it and reveling in that phase of life. And finally – enjoying being free to do what SHE wants to do.

When did my mom get old? Not old like she wears sensible shoes and tells stories about walking to school 5 miles in the snow. Not old like she says whatever she wants because she doesn’t care what anybody thinks anymore. Not red hat lady old.

Old like being irrationally afraid of being home alone. Old like being terrified when the phone service goes out for a little while and old like pushing the button she wears around her neck frequently and when the voice asks if she needs help saying “just testing”. And old like – she insists she needs to live with a man in the house just in case “something happens.”

And when did the guilt crowd in because I’m disappointed my mom is not growing old and feisty, but old and timid and fearful instead? Guilt because she lives with my brother because he’s a “man”, even though we did try having her live with me for a while. And guilt because I find it so difficult to talk to her because she is SO not herself anymore.

Disappointment. That’s not an emotion indicative of understanding, sympathy, or empathy. It suggests I care more about how it feels to me – than how it feels to her. The emotions are in layers. Feelings for my mom when I was a kid, a whole separate layer just for the teen years. A layer for my married with small children years and a layer for when Ma became kind of lost to us.

She knows who she is, who we are, she has those faculties about her. But this layer muffles the parts of her personality that made her – Ma. Nothing she loved in the past, oil painting, sewing, crafting of all kinds – interests her anymore. She busies herself with a few household tasks and taking naps.

This layer is stifling and suffocating and yet – at times - there are gauzy openings in it when the light shines through and Ma is there for a while, not quite so confused. Not quite so fearful. A little take-charge for a bit, and not so clingy and dependent.

But she doesn’t stay.

And it’s all so hard to watch. Harder to accept.

FTD? Anybody? Comments?

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My mom will be 81 years old next month. For Mother's Day I ordered something called a "Dishgarden" from FTD to be delivered to her. When I spoke to her that day, she thanked me for the flowers.

*blink blink*

At first I thought she was getting what I sent her confused with something one of my siblings had sent to her. She tends to mix some of those things up. But no. Turns out FTD sent her cut flowers, even as they printed out my card which said "You always did like to have plants around. Happy Mother's Day Mom! Enjoy your day." Ahem.

I emailed. After all, a plant lasts a bit longer than cut flowers, unless of course it's at my house. I tend to kill them. And it wasn't like they sent her tulips when I ordered daffodils. Plant. Living. Cut flowers. Dying. See? Big difference. If it were for me - it might be different. I tend to be quite patient and understanding when it comes to things I buy for me. But it was a gift. Intended for a specific day.

I received 2 apologies via email, and 1 telephone message besides. They promised to send the plant out as they were supposed to originally, so I waited. Called my mom yesterday and she told me she had received the plant. She was happy with it, it was nice. Had flowers in amongst the leaves. Like it was supposed to. I was pleased with the news until she said "I just wish he hadn't asked for the other one back. The vase was pretty. It had tulips on it."

WHAT THE HELL??????

At first I thought my 81 year old mom (who happens to fall down a lot) took her little rollinator and went and got just the vase and handed it over. But no, there were actually some flowers left in the vase! And he took the vase, the flowers, and the bow attached as well. Nice.

I sent them another email. I cannot imagine what they will do now. Can you imagine?? Asking for the original order back when it was their error?? Talk about separating themselves from the competition! And not in a good way. Sheesh!!

I'll let you know what happens.

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