There are many indignities associated with going to the doctor, especially the gynecologist. I hadn’t been for a while – okay 2 years – and I needed to make an appearance. At this point in my life after having kidney stones, children, and a broken ankle that required a plate, screws and pins, I am an old hand at visiting my various physician’s offices.
The paper clothes they give you to put on in the examining room are always a great source of comfort for me. I might be lying about that.
Asking the nurse for a larger size paper skirt ( ? ) only got me a giggle from her and wrapping it around me and climbing up on the table – made it rip. Yay me!
The doctor had to review the normal things with me, allergies – no, first date of my last cycle – I gave her the date. On any meds right now? Yeah, and as I told her the first one, the second one made a really quick exit from my brain. Uh … it’s …uh … it’s a little blue one … I said hopefully. She was patient with me and wasn’t too condescending when she reminded me that there are a lot of little blue pills out there.
After getting the meds straightened out it was time to get down to it and my doc said the dreaded “put your feet in these and scooch down to the end of the table." It was at that point I realized that during my relaxing 20 minute wait in the paper skirt sitting on the table reading the book I had brought with me – I had been sweating. I had apparently made a perfect heat seal between me, the paper, and the vinyl cushioned top of the table. I wasn’t “scooching” anywhere without leaving a piece of me on the table or taking some extra paper down to the edge with me.
Sigh-h-h.
I’m starting to think that the older you get the worse the exam gets. It seems like they figure ANYthing will fit in there now – and they try to find random things from around the room to prove it. But the best part? She asked me to cough. Yeah, just like they do to guys but I got to cough with something akin to the kitchen sink in there. When I coughed the first time she looked at me like I was kidding and said “no, REALLY cough. Give me a good one.” And then - “again..”
So, yup – I peed on the doctor. I mean - sheesh – she ASKED for it, don’t ya think??!!!
Nice. You're not the first one. :)
ReplyDeletenor will you be the last...
ReplyDeleteThe doc should be used to this not uncommon occupational hazard. I dislike the paper too - makes me feel like a piece of meat on a butcher's slab waiting to be wrapped up!
ReplyDeleteOh, good grief! Yuck, no fun. I agree that those damn "covers" are getting much smaller!
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog. What a hoot! Thanks for the morning giggles! I've never peed on a doc but have always worried about "tooting" when they insist on pushing down on my tummy!
ReplyDeleteMy doc has pink paper clothes. I call them "pink potato chips".
I. Love. You. !!!!
ReplyDeleteI would rather have teeth pulled than go to THAT doctor!
This one will make my giggle for the rest of the day!
I thought this stuff would get easier as I got older but no, they find a way to make it even more unpleasent. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat story .... fascinating , apart from the punchline , the paper dress is different too . In the UK we dont get given anything like that , just climb aboard the couch an dthey might place a little modesty tea towel kind of thing over us if we re lucky . So we learn to wear a long tee shirt ! But in the long run maybe its better ... ?
ReplyDeleteOh Lawd! Too funny. I am way over due for one of these exams, and I have to say, this post does not have me running to the phone to make that appointment, but it does have me giggling.
ReplyDeleteI have never been asked to "cough". What in the world was she looking for?
ROTFLMAO! I thought I was the only one who had funny gyno stories! I love it!!!
ReplyDeleteOMG....I would of died. And good question, why did you have to cough.
ReplyDeleteThere are some things that can be checked that way, saying anything further would be like - way TMI!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm really trying to stop laughing just long enough to type coherently...
ReplyDeleteCOUGH?!?!?!? WTF!?!?!?!?
I'm waaay overdue, too... I gotta tell, ya, BetteJo... after reading this, I may just stay that way.
back to laughing my ass off
Thank you! And I'm so sorry this happened to you :( :: giggle ::
There, but for the grace of g-d...
I have no shame. :)
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed it!
Haha, brilliant post! Nice to know I am not alone in these kind of dramas!
ReplyDeleteI've never peed on the DR but then again I've never been asked to cough in the position!
lol that is kinda funny....
ReplyDeleteOne thing I always do at the gynos office...I hide my bra and underwear under my clothes on the chair. Not sure why but I am pretty sure I am not the only woman who does that...
ROFL! That is a classic!
ReplyDelete