Corporate toady?

Huh? Sorry, I just heard that on TV in a context that was really weird. Kind of like saying Sponge Bob and Fidel Castro in the same sentence. Just weird. Anyway!

The gals did not take a single picture in Vegas (uh huh sure) - not even somebody sleeping with their mouth open or coming out of the bathroom wearing a towel and brushing their teeth. Hmmm. They were all very tired and apparently the magic date of 7/7/07 didn't bring any of them that intangible special something that would have allowed them to win big and race home to retire. Sigh-h-h. Maybe next time.

One thing came out of it though - and I'm not saying it was a positive thing. Joan discovered gambling. Joan has lived in a few different countries, has had several different jobs and been all over this country - but had never touched a slot machine. It is my understanding that when she did - she immediately became hyp-mo-tized. Ysabel and Linda could barely pull her away. Somehow her germ phobia slipped away as she pushed those dirty buttons touched by scads of people before her - some whom I'm sure didn't wash their hands after going to the bathroom - and she remained seated - fixated on the blinking lights and spinning symbols in front of her.

Me thinks it's good she doesn't live close to any major gambling territory - or she would quickly become a regular at the local pawn shop! :) Almost scary. Joan - step away from the machine. Don't. drink. the. kool-aid!

So. Nutrisystem. I am having a lot of trouble facing all those salads. I am not doing bad on the fruit, and thank God I am allowed to have V-8 instead of a vegetable serving, but that salad twice a day is killing me. The idea is to keep eating all day, small portions of healthy foods. I get that. But a salad at lunch and a salad at dinner for someone who doesn't really like salad that much is pretty hard.

There have been days lately where I have been getting my lunch ready for the next day and just cannot bear making another salad. So I skip it. But it is a filling part of my lunch and without it I am not satisfied. I didn't realize how much you need to contribute yourself in terms of fresh fruit and salads and the like. Call me lazy but I thought it was - pre-packaged foods - take it out of my hands for a while - eat what we tell you and you will lose weight.

Well. I am going to do it for a second month - only because now that I have sampled a lot of the different meals - I have a much greater idea of what meals I will choose which will make things a heck of a lot easier. I cannot keep looking into that box and seeing split pea soup which I hate and did not want - thinking that I am going to have to eat it. Because I won't. It's that simple.

I do want to tell anyone who is thinking of doing this diet plan, DO NOT TRY THE CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!! That was the dessert I chose the most of and it is simply awful. Awful. Tonight I thought I would try to make it a bit palatable by sinking a nice Hershey's kiss in the middle of the batter before sticking it in the microwave. Not even that helped. I was expecting a nice melted bit of real chocolate gooey goodness in the center to be the redeeming quality but somehow the cake ruined the kiss. Amazing. Don't bother.

I will say though that even if the food is not great for the most part, I am getting into the habit of eating meals on a more regular basis as well as trying to get the rest of the food groups in there. I have always been bad about the fruit and veggies - carbs are my lifeblood. But I am learning better habits so if I get some lasting changes out of this it will have been worth it. I was in a bad habit spiral, and it was getting worse. I needed something extreme to snap me out of it. Along with starting to walk again - I think I will continue the process on my own when this is done. This has been a slo-o-o-w-w process for me, I haven't lost tons of weight but I just need to keep at it. Especially the walking.

And I need to go here. Bermuda. I just need to go where the sun shines and the clear water laps at my toes and where I don't have to think beyond SPF 30 for a while. Ah-h-h-h - the sand is as fine as sugar and almost as white .....

Sometimes it's worth it.

So I stuck my neck out. I knew I was taking a risk but I decided to. It was all such a minor thing to me - seemed like a nice thing to do, thought if I did it - maybe some others would take my lead, ahem.

The Etsy forum police were out and they shut me down. I did the smart thing. I ducked. Then I left. :) Before it had a chance to actually get bad. Amazing. I'm talking about 'Kitty' below. Reading through the forums today I came upon a post from this Etsyian whose son is competing in a photography contest, a pin up photo contest. Well, I like pin up art so it caught my eye. I went to the contest site and I really did (do) think her sons photos were the best. I voted for his pictures but it was obvious to me that being a small contest - it very well could come down to who had the most friends. I wanted to have more people look at it and make up their minds - knowing full well they would pick Kitty once they saw the pictures.

I bumped the thread up a couple of times but it kept dying, people weren't paying much attention. I offered to add the link to my blog - hoping a couple other people would do the same thing. I think it was the lack of interest or response that got me going. As far as I know, no one put the link on their blog. That was in Etc.

I moved to Promotions - started a thread - said - who would like .. to help support another Etsyian? Please check my blog and vote! ONE person responded. ONE. Then the thread died a very quick death. Promotions is a tough place to keep a thread alive because people are climbing all over themselves to plug their shops. It's the nature of the beast and I was afraid of that when I posted there. So I decided to be daring.

Dum de dum dum DUM!!!! Hear it? It's ominous isn't it? Pppbbbttthhh - my version of a raspberry. I went into .... Buying and selling. My thought was - this isn't really a promotion because I'm not trying to sell anything, and it's not even for me. Maybe in the Buying and selling forum - people might stop long enough to at least look at the link before deciding not to respond to it and letting it die.

WRONG.
************************************************************************

THERE REALLY WAS SOMETHING HERE

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There were a few people who said they looked and thought Kitty really was the best and they voted. One of the gals convoed me and said she was upset about how people treated me and actually started a brand new thread about how people treat others in the forums sometimes. I've done that - sent a convo to someone about something that was said in the forums because if I had said it in the middle of the thread I would have gotten jumped on. (just made a sale while I was typing this) :)

Why do people feel the need to just shut somebody down just because they don't like where they posted? Isn't that Admin's job? Admin DID move it to Etc in the middle of that, but I bet it wouldn't have gotten moved if no one had objected. What was the harm? I wasn't saying - hey everybody - look at this it's really cool - only to have it be something I am trying to sell! I do not even know this seller or her son. Never even saw her name in the forums before. I honest to God was just trying to be nice. That's all. So shoot me.

There wasn't a whole lot to the thread because I wasn't going to stay and play. If it starts out that way - then the best thing to do is back out and be quiet. Do they win that way? No, I don't think so. It leaves their snotty remarks echoing out there and that's what people remember. I hope that's how they want to be seen because the Internet is a permanent record.

So I guess this blog is MY permanent record and I stand by it.

One good thing that came out of that forum stuff tonight was that it sent me outside for a walk. I so enjoy walking at night, up and down the sidewalk past all the homes smelling the smells and hearing the crickets. I always bring my cell phone with me since the night I was walking and broke my ankle in the freezing rain, in the dark, alone, in front of a house where obviously no one was home. But that's another story for another day.

Tonight the air was heavy but not as bad as the last couple of evenings after the strong rain we had this afternoon. The ground was wet but not so much that there were puddles to navigate, although I am still very careful now about where I put my feet. Walking past someone's house I could smell their laundry in the dryer - the sweet smell of fabric softener wafting out of a dryer vent. There was the smell of garlic as I was passing one house, yum, and cologne when I passed another as if a man had just exited his car and walked up to his front door.

Someone's 2nd floor window showed the flickering light of a TV playing on the wall of a child's bedroom, blue with orange fish and a mermaid. It was very quiet but there was activity here and there, it was nighttime activity. People getting ready to end their day, closing up their homes and putting kids to bed. Very peaceful.

It was good to walk, good to breathe in the warm air and breathe out the stress and frustration. Ah-h-h. I feel better now.

By the way - can you take a look at the link below? :) I still think it's a nice thing to do. :)

Vote for Kitty!

One of Etsy's best - Patereeves Nature's Treasures posted a link to a contest today, a pin up photo contest. She is the proud Mama of one of the photographers - he is the one who shot the pics of Kitty. I looked at the others - and even if his Mom didn't belong to the Etsy family - his pictures are the ones I would have voted for. So - for your consideration - here is Kitty - and a link to where you can vote for her pics if you'd like!

Here is the link to Kitten Koffin Zombies! Have a look and maybe a vote!

I will be back later this evening, but I wanted to get this up right away. :)

Enough complaining!

So - I am done complaining. Had a rather relaxing day at work today. One of the gals, Linda, is having a birthday - 7/7/07. She - and a couple others - Ysabel and Joan, decided there would be no better time to go to Vegas. Working only a half day today so they would be able to leave and get to the airport early for their afternoon flight, the mood was very light and enjoyable.

I received a phone call later in the day - Ysabel - whispering into the phone - giggling - "we're on the plane!!" Oka-a-a-a-y. Have you guys been drinking already? Maybe a little. :) They are SO ready to have a good time!

Ysabel travels a lot, mostly with her husband, sometimes with her daughters, she is very comfortable in most situations. She will be the leader and the one to take charge if anything goes wrong. I know Ysabel better than the others, known her longer and worked with her longer. I affectionately call her "miss bossy pants" when the situation calls for it.

Linda worries a bit, is happily divorced and plans to stay single, she likes to party, loves to dance and have fun. She's usually pretty agreeable when it comes to compromising with a group and I think she will take it pretty well if she is thrown a curve ball and has to change direction or plans.

Joan - well - Joan is a trip. She is actually very sweet and in some ways a bit naive. I'm not sure how long she has been married but she has a daughter in Jr High which gives me some idea. Apparently in all the time she has been married she not only has never gone on a girls only trip - but never on a girls night out - period! She's also a bit of a germaphobe which Ysabel just may have to deal with. I suggested that Linda and Ysabel carry sanitizing wipes and lotions with them so they can whip them out whenever Joan has a "moment". She was already planning on what she would do when they get up to the hotel room - call the front desk and have someone come up and change the sheets, blankets, and bedspreads on the beds.

This should be interesting. We all work together, but we have never socialized outside of work. Not sure why we haven't exactly, because I really do adore the gals. So - the first time ever going out together being a trip to Vegas - could have some fun results. At least I hope so! I am SO looking forward to some stories when they get back and that old thing "whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" isn't gonna fly. I want all the details. :)

I was invited but I couldn't afford it right now. When I did get my hands on some extra money I decided to spend it on my diet instead of going on a trip. I'm not a great traveler anyway and I'm not big on Vegas. My Mom used to live there and when I first got divorced my kids went there for part of the summer for the first 3 years I think. I would have to fly out to get them and I would take a mini-vacation while I was there. We would spend one day on the strip going to casinos and what-not - but the rest of the time we mostly stayed at my Mom's and visited. I preferred that.

I hope the girls have a wonderful time and come back with some stories. I am thinking the interesting parts will mostly be about how they interact with each other more than anything else. And OH! I hope they get pictures!

*****************Go for it Ladies!!*****************

So? I've had a bad day.

How come when you're feeling bad, maybe even feeling a little sorry for yourself and just when you decide to go with it, feel crappy, get through it and move on - there's always someone who is there to remind you. "Well it could always be worse." Yup, I could be dying, I could have no feet, I could a lot of things. But this is MY bad day and MY feelings and don't make me feel guilty - I already feel bad enough!

I DID lose a little bit of weight. But it's only a little and not nearly as much as I would think considering the fact that all the food I have been eating has been healthy! E-e-e-e-w!! Sorry but I'm a big fan of preservatives. The longer shelf life it has - the more of a guilty pleasure it is likely to be. I don't really mean that - but it sounded good. :)

When I got home from work after being in a funk there, I had to fight the urge to go to McDonald's. Now mind you, I don't even LIKE McDonald's that much! But I got the idea of a Quarter Pounder meal with a Coke in my head and it just wouldn't go away. I had to stop and ask myself, why am I doing this to myself? I have been force-feeding myself all this fruit and yogurt and low fat reconstituted healthy -ahem- food - working hard - and the day I weigh myself and discover I have actually lost a little bit of weight - I want to sabotage myself. Hmmm. What the hell is wrong with me?

I had to sit and think about it for a while. Do I want to fail? Am I hiding behind weight? I'm fat so I can't .... what??? I don't know. If you're thinking I'm going to end this with some profound insight you will be sorely disappointed. I just don't know. Obviously I am not eating just because I'm hungry. So why when it should be good news, do I try to make it bad?

Work was a drag although I must admit seeing Joan's face light up like a little kid when she saw me was a treat - she came over saying - "I miss you so much when you're not here!" It's nice to be greeted that way. Nothing horrible or momentous happened, I think I was reminded about how much I used to love my job. For about 16 years I truly loved my job. I was busy - sometimes crazy busy but at the end of the day I felt good. It was a "good kind of tired" to quote David Letterman. When everything else in my life had gone down the crapper for a while there - I could always go to work and feel good about myself because I loved the people I worked with and I was good at my job. I cannot tell you how many times a day I would answer that phone and hear relief in the voice on the other end and "Oh I am SO glad I got you!!" Because there were clients out there who thought I was the only person who could help them with their problem. I called it 'instant attaboys'. How many people get bunches of those in a day?

But about 4 years ago things started to change. As the company has gotten bigger, it has become less personal and very much about the bottom line. It's sad. The calls I used to take got sent to a regional help desk and we were asked to help those 'co-workers' and give them as much assistance as possible. Basically train the people who were taking our jobs. And we did it too - we never blamed the help desk people themselves, they were just doing their (our) jobs. It's the company. Slowly things are being taken away from us and we are feeling quite under-valued - as well as downright DE-valued.

I've never understood the American corporation - isn't a happy employee a better worker? Isn't an employee who feels empowered and trusted and valued going to give everything they possibly can to their job? Instead as things have changed we were actually told (by a supervisor who is no longer our supervisor) that we should just be grateful we have jobs. We ARE grateful. But we would also like to maintain our self respect and know that - in my case - my 20 years of experience means something.

Losing a huge contract at the end of last year prompted layoffs all over the country, my business unit as well. We all walk on eggshells because we are just waiting for the axe to fall, our time is coming. Thank God if it does happen I will be eligible for about 6 months of severance. It may not happen soon, but we just don't know so we are all uncomfortable all of the time. Working in a climate of fear every day is not a good feeling. Add to that a new bosses boss who is a micro-manager and you have some very unhappy people.

The other funkified place in my brain is that spot that thinks about where I live. I rent a house. I cannot afford to buy one and most likely never will. I had a house once, my ex bought it for me basically as a good bye gift when he knew he had fallen in love with his girlfriend. I know. Not a nice thought but at the time - I didn't know there was a girlfriend. We got a huge mortgage and I trusted him implicitly - he always handled the money. When we headed for divorce and he promised my child support and maintenance would cover the mortgage, I believed him.

When I was a little girl we never talked about careers in my house. Matter of fact I don't think we talked about the future -about what any of us wanted to do when we grew up. I never planned for anything other than being a wife and mother with a husband, a home, and children to raise. I think I always assumed I would have to work outside the home some, but never thought about getting an education or having any direction other than having the whole white picket fence ideal.

When I finally got my house - oh it was beautiful. To me anyway. I loved it. Nice neighborhood, great school just down the street, the kids could run right outside and play. I could hang things on the walls and they were MY walls - nobody could tell me I couldn't paint or hang pictures or change the tile in the bathroom. It was mine. I was in serious denial about my marriage at that point because I was terrified of being alone with 2 kids to support. It was easier to just not let my mind comprehend what was really happening.

When I got divorced and the ex was out of work a few times and couldn't pay me, I used my credit cards to keep the cash for the mortgage. I got in real trouble that way and I was so naive about money I did everything wrong. The first thing I should have done was to sell that house and buy something smaller with a more manageable mortgage, but I was romantic about it all. It was my house. My first house. My notion of a home was always - where you raise your kids and live forever - so your kids can bring their kids to visit and tell them - "this used to be my room." You didn't just sell your home or move your kids because of a divorce! Well, I really needed to.

After a few years of juggling I had to sell the house or the bank was going to take it. Horrible. I have heard it said that if you show a willingness to pay - and you call your mortgage company they will work with you. Not mine! I was on the phone with them in tears more than once - and they would not budge. Make your entire payment on this date, nothing else is acceptable.

Moving out of that house was the end of that picket fence dream for me. Not only was I broke but I was in the hole - BIG - and with what I earned and rent and everything it was always check to check, no savings. I think I mourned the death of that dream more than I mourned my actual divorce because by then I wasn't in love with the man I married anymore. And once the dream was dead - then what? It was all I ever planned for.

So after renting and moving and renting some more - I can usually deal with the idea that I will always live somewhere where someone else can tell me how many pets I can have. I am very aware of the fact that I am where I am because of a series of bad decisions on my part. As much as I would like to blame someone else, I can't. A few days ago my daughter (who works for a realtor when she is home from school) said "you know Mom, with the market so bad right now - I know an agent would work with you to help you get a house." She meant well, and I did not snap at her or anything but I did tell her that with about $1600.00 dollars in the bank - no - $300.00 after the landlord cashes her check - I wasn't in the market for a house, no matter what the market was doing - it wasn't my market.

So there I was a couple of days ago going for a walk for exercise doncha know. And when I am walking down the residential streets of my neighborhood with the mixture of older brick homes, bungalows, and big new Victorians - I can only walk and look and think and ask - how do all these people do it? I know the answer. It's the 2 income thing which I haven't had for a good long while. So I suck it up and most times deal with it. My path is my path for a reason, even if I don't know what that reason is. I remind myself of the good things - and there are many - and I'm okay.

It's just sometimes when a series of things happen all at once and I start to feel bad - I just plain feel bad. I will get better, probably even by tomorrow. Things will be seen in a different light. But today, tonight, things just kinda suck. I will get my Nutrisystem breakfast and lunch ready for tomorrow, get my tea ready for the morning. I need to remember to give Riley (the old boy kitty) his medicine. Then I will go outside and walk when it is dark and nobody can see me mooning at their houses and wishing they were mine and that the dream never died.

On the other hand, if the dream really never died, would that mean I would still have to be married to my ex-husband? Cause I'm sorry. That would be a deal breaker!

Geez. Even I have my limits.

I KNOW my blog is busy!

Really really short post here. Trying to catch up on my blog reading tonight (I added another one to my list!!!!) I realized that my blog, by far, is the busiest out of all that I read. I knew it was. But - I came back to it and looked and looked and tried to decide what I could do to make it less busy. I had purposely searched out a way to add a third column so I could have more stuff. I added the beauty flower on the right because I love flowers. I made a concession in moving my slide shows to the bottom, but I just love color and moving pictures and oh - I'm just hopeless.

I came to the conclusion that if I change my blog to try to make it like everybody else's blog then it won't be my blog anymore. This is how my brain thinks - in color and moving pictures! This is me! So - WELCOME to my brain! Scary thought I know.

But aren't the colors pretty? :)

It IS July!

I guess I missed it! I have been off work for a few days - and I can't keep track of the dates when I'm at home. But I know it's the 3rd because tomorrow is the 4th and by all accounts - it's a holiday! Stuff blows up in the sky and everybody oooooh's and ahhhhhhh's over it. Okay, I do too. Who isn't a little kid when watching fireworks?!??

I should mention that "day dreamer" over there at Candid Yammering nominated me for Rockin' Girl Blogger! Thanks so much! I STILL have to find out what that is - but it sounds good - I can't imagine it's secretly the geekiest bloggers ever award - so I am happy for the nomination!

One thing that has come out of blogging - is being able to take that peek into other people's lives, make new friends and have some laughs together. I think most people think they are a bit weird, their family is the wackiest or most dysfunctional. But everybody has something. So we write and let other people in and they respond - "oh I know what you mean" or "been there done that" - and it makes you feel a bit more normal. On the other hand - it might make you feel like everybody is just freakin' crazy!!!!! :) But whatever it does for you - it doesn't do anything bad. It's a good thing.

I was going to introduce one of the cats tonight, but I really think I need to throw a load of laundry in and then head to the bead room. Spent yesterday afternoon and then today too - out at the picnic table in the backyard taking pictures of jewelry. Did you know there are things that fly and crawl around out there? And things that bite sometimes? Ee-e-e-w-w!

When I came in today I went through all my pictures and updated some of my older listings with better pictures, but the job of sorting, sizing, cropping etc - all of those pics got a bit overwhelming so I have pushed it aside for the moment. I tell you what though - the digital camera and memory card are things of beauty! Add to that a laptop, a wireless connection and an awesome printer too - and you have all I need to list all the jewelry in the world in my shop! Now I just have to make it!

The pictures here are all from older listings - pics I took today in the backyard, and then updated in my shop. There is just something about that natural light to bring out the beautiful colors in stone! None of these have had the color altered at all - and if you click on them you will see how beautiful the colors really are. And if you notice - they are all necklaces and they are all being modeled by Roberta. She is here, lower left. What a wonderful investment she has been! She doesn't usually wear glasses but I was just showing that if you're beautiful - you're beautiful with glasses or without! Okay, I was really just trying to show that Roberta is one of us - not glamorous at all when she's not working!

OH! How could I forget an update on the diet! Dani and I have been following the Nutrisystem diet, eating out of the massive boxes of food sitting right in the living room, and I can't speak for her but - what the hell? You've seen the commercials - "I'm a size TWO!" she says in that most annoying really thin person voice. "All I did was eat the food!" I can almost feel her finger poking deeply into her cheek. Well I've been eating the food! I've been eating the salads and the fruit and the freeze dried concoctions I am paying about 10 dollars a day for - and I don't think I've lost a pound! Of course I was prementrual last week so that was hard to judge, and still menstrual this week, but still!!

This has not been incredibly fun.

It might be different if before you started the diet you already knew what foods you would like and which foods you wouldn't. Everything you order would be something you know you will like. Not knowing ahead of time makes it a real crap shoot. Really, just because it says tuna cassarole - who says it will really taste like tuna cassarole? Plus - you get a week of food for free - but THEY pick the food for that week. I figured though, they would know that if I didn't order any split pea soup - it would be because I don't like split pea soup! Or black beans and rice! Yuk! Okay, so I'm a picky eater. But - still!!!

There is one food that is exceptionally good - and that is the lowfat granola. I mixed it into my lowfat yogurt this morning and didn't even feel like I was dieting! Num! The chocolate chip pudding is okay, the chips save it. The reconstituted all beef patty I had for dinner this evening was quite interesting - a science experiment in rehydration you might say! The texture was a little weird but it tasted okay. Most of the food is just that, okay, and a lot is Chef Boy-Ar-De-like too. All in all it has been difficult to eat this food day after day - I feel I have been on it a lot longer than I actually have. My daughter and I both agree that lunch is our least favorite meal of the day. The whole thing would be easier to tolerate if I felt I was getting some return for my effort. Hmm. Well - maybe tomorrow I will weigh myself and get a good surprise.

But then again - maybe not.

**********************

Maybe I should have just introduced one of the cats. God knows that will be a show stopper! :) One thing I haven't done for a while is close with a pretty picture. I am going to do that tonight. It's raining outside, there is a cool breeze and I can hear distant thunder. It's gonna be good sleeping tonight!!!