He's hopelessly in love with me

My boy Cruz. 

~ * ~ 

~ * ~

Deep thoughts

Ever wonder what in the heck you're doing? Wonder what you are contributing to the world? Want to win the lottery so you can run away and rescue kittens?

Yeah. 

I am a hard work proponent. I have been working forever. But it would be nice to do something that isn't stressful. It's stressful when a person is not in control of their actions and feel they have little input on what they do on a daily basis.

In other words, working for someone else can be stressful.

I don't want to start a business, but it would just be nice to get off this merry-go-round and do something that feels - I don't know - lovely. 

Like rescuing kittens. Or puppies. Or koalas. Seems to be a pattern here. I'm sure it's a lot of hard work, but the rewards must be - LOVELY! Just having an off day. Tired. 

Friday Felt Worse Than a Bad Monday!

So. Friday. We all look forward to Friday, right? I'm no different. But Friday last, was a no good, bad, very bad day. SO BAD. I mean .. I had what I would consider something of a meltdown in the middle of my work day which is something that hasn't happened in a very long time. It had been building up and totally crashed in on me, on Friday. My heart was racing, my adrenaline was flowing and if I could have, I would have shut down my computer and run away. As fast and as far as I could have. 

After a while I began to feel a bit better after unloading all my panic onto a sympathetic coworker, but it didn't make the actual issue go away. I may have just pushed it out further.

By the end of the day I was beat, just so tired, demoralized, and my confidence was at an all-time low. So what did I do? Exactly what people who tend to be emotional eaters do. I planned what I wanted to drown my sorrows in for dinner.

NOT my pizza

My choice was Chicago style, deep dish pepperoni pizza with cheese for days. I almost added chocolate, chocolate chip Haagen-Dazs to the menu but decided that would be overkill.

I should have added it.

Because what happened when I got my hands on that yummy, heavy, gooey, cheesy, pizza? It was burnt. A little bit on top, not enough to give it away at first, but when I cut into it - yeah, the bottom. It was burnt. I mean .. what ELSE???

I am at my desk now (on a Sunday night!), hoping to finish some things I needed to finish last week. I watched my granddaughter today and we made brownies which I shouldn't have eaten. But almost had a panic attack today thinking about the moment I needed to sit down and continue working, so thought I preemptively earned the brownie(s). 

That remains to be seen. Wish me luck you nonexistent readers. 

What to do, what to do ..

My work life has always been pretty consistent in that, other people come and go, other people get new jobs and leave, other people retire, and I stay. I am not great with change, or I should say I am not great with it at first. I will adapt, but at first I will resist and have a tough time. Best thing to do in a situation where I am confronted with big changes is to keep my doggone mouth shut until I have some time to process. 

It's especially hard for me when other people leave, I get attached and clearly I have abandonment issues.

About 6 months ago 2 of my coworkers and I had to pass a certification exam for our job that was hella hard. We took the courses together, we studied together, we worked really hard on it - together. We each had 3 tries to take the exam which was proctored and everything. And it took 3 tries! That 3rd time I made sure I got enough sleep, scheduled the exam for early afternoon when my brain seems to work the best, ate a healthy meal heavy on protein first, just did everything I could think of to prepare.

One of my coworkers and I took the exam at the same time, same day. I passed. He did not, which meant he would be let go. This certification was required for our jobs.

I was devastated. A big part of it was because of how it was done, but another part was just - no - don't make him leave! We work well together, he is a friend. But he had to go.

Yesterday my boss (best boss ever) let us know she is leaving the company, and has accepted a position elsewhere. ARGH!! WHY????

Of course I get it. People have their own path to take and she came upon this opportunity which will be better for her work/life balance which is super important. I told her I am happy for her, I appreciate why she is doing it, and understand her desire to go. But boy oh boy am I on shaky ground right now. Things like this put me into panic mode for a while, fear of the unknown, stuff like that. 

I will adjust. I will get there. But right now - I'm all - NOOOOOOOO!!!! 

Yeah, I did.

Did what?  Skipped Maxine for 2 weeks in a row and didn't worry about it.

Felt a bit bad, but didn't worry.

Things have been busy, and sad, and adorable too.

I lost Norah, my full figured beauty of a cat.  She wasn't quite 12 years old and although she had kidney disease and I was giving her fluids at home - I wasn't expecting anything so dire so soon.  But, kidneys decide when they are going to stop working sometimes, Norah wasn't feeling well, wasn't eating and wasn't going to get better.  Her last day was spent out on the deck relaxing, having ice water (she loved it) and a bit of milk, something she didn't get very often.

She was a sweet natured and gentle girl, and I will miss her mightily.

Work has been a bit crazy lately, with my job description changing almost daily it seems.  But the thing that keeps me most occupied is this - these guys -

So ... sad, busy, and adorable.  All these reside in my home right now.  The only thing that is certain now ... is that nothing will remain the same.

Are you allowed to be an individual?

When you work in a small office room, you need to make what little space you have yours.  At least I do.  There are other positions in the company I work for where people have smaller spaces and are allowed a 12" x 12" space to "personalize" their desk.  Literally.  I don't know about you, but my personality doesn't fit into a 12" x 12" space.  Seriously.  So far my office roommate and I have managed to hide away where we aren't noticed or regulated much.  I mean, I imagine facilities would get upset if we burned incense and brought in a cook stove.  But we can hang what we what, we have a little fridge and a microwave, an electric tea kettle and a Christmas tree when it's the season.  And thank God we have a door we can close and we can even lock.
  

Where do you work?  
And do you have a bit of freedom or is your workplace very regimented?  


.

It's not all angst.

*

Back to work today, it went well.  I am very grateful for the people I work with, no one expected me to jump in with both feet immediately, and welcomed me back warmly.  

I sent an email to our team expressing my thanks for the flowers, kind words and prayers.  I told them it would take me a couple of days to get acclimated but I hoped by Monday I would be able to make a meaningful contribution to the team again.  An email from a co-worker said:

"Why start contributing in a meaningful way now?  I think what you've been doing for the last 2 years has been working for you!"

Ah .. home again.  It's nice to fit in.

*

When did I become an adult?

I was thinking today, while I was at work, that I must be a grownup now. Finally. My boss is in another state, always. He is based somewhere else. I work with one other person in an office room, and she is off this week. The other people on my "team" are all over the country. So there is no one there to watch me.

And I still work.

As I was sitting there I was thinking hmmm, I know people who would be reading a magazine or surfing the Internet or something totally unrelated to their job. But I was working. All alone in my little office room. That's when I came to the conclusion that I must be a grownup now.

I just can't decide if that's a good thing or not.

Champion shopper

How do we end up doing some of the jobs we do? At work, totally unrelated to what I do, somehow I ended up being the employee responsible for ordering the office supplies for my department. Maybe because people knew I was a big online shopper? No, when I started doing it I had a catalogue and an order sheet that I had to fax to the company we shopped from. Sheesh. Didn't realize I had been doing it that long.

Once a month my Outlook calendar reminds me to send out an email to my co-workers asking them if they need anything, that I will be ordering in the next few days and they can email their requests to me. I do my best to find what everyone asks for but doggone it - sometimes even a champion shopper like me comes up short!

Click to see bigger

But I DID try.

Sorry Laura.

Well it LOOKS done.

Working from home feels a bit weird. I mean, I'm in my house, in my bead room actually, where I have a computer desk. That's where I set up the router I plug into and my monitor and what not. So I get the space heater and point it at my legs, turn on the TV, and do what I normally do at work. But at home. Not something I'm used to.

I stayed home today because my landlord finally found someone who would come in and work on fixing up my daughter's moldy, nasty closet. Which basically means she searched high and low, hither and yon, until she could find someone who understood that she wanted the absolute minimum done for the least amount of money possible.

The handy-guy who showed up was nice enough, he went into the closet, knocked on the walls and said "no problem, walls are sound. Got any bleach?"

Sigh.

When we found the leak and the mold in the closet I went all over the internet to find the best solution for this particular problem. Cleaning hard surfaces with bleach is a good solution. But wallboard is porous. Washing the walls with bleach kills the mold on the surface. Sealing the wall with a good primer like Kilz is great. But I am just not convinced that next summer when it gets nice and hot and humid, that the mold won't start to bloom again like the dandelions in my front yard.

He was here for oh - an hour and a half. He washed down the walls, painted one coat of primer, waited 15 minutes and rolled on another coat. I'm sure he's a wonderful handy-guy, I'm just incredibly skeptical about this as a solution. The work on the closet was done before 10:00 am. I could have just packed up and gone to work but I was already all set up, dressed but not showered and luxuriating in the ability to work with my feet all toasty warm and to get up and go make a cup of tea in my kitchen whenever I wanted to. Besides, how often at work am I going to see this? Kinda added something to my day.

~ * ~

Voicemail, and English as a second language.

Out-sourcing. Not my favorite topic. But I'm not sure that's even what I'm talking about so it may be a moot point.

There was a voicemail on my phone at work today. I listened to it - or maybe I should say I tried to listen to it. A few sentences into the message I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at it - like it was going to tell me something about what I was listening to.

It was funny. I couldn't help but laugh. I transferred the call to my co-worker asking if she could possibly translate. She listened to it several times, even replaying the first few sentences over and over because those were the least intelligible. We both laughed because it did not even sound anywhere close to a real language - much less English! She came up with "somebody died - and it had something to do with Polish sausage!" Beyond that - I was out of luck.

I never did figure out what the man was saying. I made out enough words - maybe 4 - but they were an important 4 - that the call was work related and probably in regard to some support I had requested. No idea what support, no idea what the problem was, who the message was from or why he was calling me. I deal with issues all day long. No clue which issue this was about.

He left a number to call him back but I just couldn't bring myself to do it because I knew I wouldn't be able to understand him. I also knew that if I did talk to him and heard anything remotely like Polish sausage and dying - I would have popped a vessel in my eye trying to hold back the laughter on the phone.

Which brings me back to out-sourcing. My company does it. Some. I am sure this was someone calling me from overseas to address an issue I had requested assistance with. Whether or not I agree with the concept of hiring people overseas for less money than an American worker would make in order to bump up the bottom line, I do have strong feelings I'm willing to express about one aspect of it.

Can we make sure the people we hire over in those other countries can at least speak English in a manner that is understandable by the average American?

PLEASE??

I live in the United States. It is where the company is based, it is where our clients are and where our employee's paychecks are coming from. I understand English is their second language and I do not blame them for not being able to speak it well. Hell - it's my FIRST language and I certainly don't!

But the people doing the hiring need to tighten up the qualifications for those jobs so at least we (meaning me) can understand them well enough to have a conversation with them!

All I could do was laugh and shrug my shoulders, knowing that tomorrow I will have to put some effort into which issue needs addressing. Tonight - all I could do was laugh about the deadly Polish sausage and it's ability to kill.

Because that's the closest thing to a translation that I had.

Another day in paradise

Today was one of those long days at work, knowing it’s a short week but having too much to do to enjoy the anticipation. The weather was beautiful, nice and warm with a nice breeze. And of course I was indoors at my desk. At least I have a window.

I really like my desk, I like the people I work with but today I couldn’t think. Without going into job threatening details, there have been a lot of changes lately, leaving me the only one who does what I do in our little area.

Just by the nature of their jobs – the people around me tend to get loud. They call out to each other and walk from one end of the department to the other talking as they go, regardless of whether they are standing right next to your cube or not, or whether you might be on the phone with, I don’t know, a client maybe?

I try not to get upset because I know it’s because we do different jobs now, my job is more solitary and more analytical and if you’re me and easily distracted – it requires a certain degree of calm and lots of concentration.

On the other hand, I have been working with some of these people since forever, and the idea of leaving them makes me crazy. I get very attached. I love the easy banter and all the laughter, the closeness of some of the relationships.

But it’s very hard to do my job sometimes.

Today – I wore earplugs. Literally. You squeeze these little foam rubber thingy’s or roll them in your fingers, quick stick them in your ears and then feel them expand. Kind of cool and they really help, but after a while my ears start to feel a little itchy and they kind of sting.

I might have to ask my boss to move me.

I still work in a cubicle world, but this is the first time ever that I have a desk with a big bright window, clean carpets and less traffic on my drive to and from work. And it would make me incredibly sad to leave the people I have worked side by side with for so very long. I haven’t made up my mind but it’s something I really have to think about.

Then to cap off my perfect day – I came home and whacked my little toe against the wall going around a corner too fast and I think I broke it. My toe, not the wall. Or sprained it. Or whatever you do to a pinky toe when you smack it really hard. The result is the same, it hurts and turns colors. And to think today was the day I was going to start jogging. *cough*

It feels like a Monday. Thank God it’s not.

Cats live a slavish existence, don't they?

Today I worked from home. For the very first time. I don’t know what I was expecting but I was pleasantly surprised to see that I did not get distracted by the TV or by my home computer. I discovered that work is work and when I am doing it, I am focused.

I did realize at some point that I was sitting on the couch with my laptop on my (where else?) lap, there was a coolish breeze blowing in the windows, and it was relatively quiet. There was no one near me on a conference call with their phone on speaker and no one close by who needs to speak loudly because of the headset they have. There were no people calling out to each other from across the room or laughing and making noise while I am on the phone with a client.

And I didn’t miss it.

But I would.

As loud as it gets sometimes, I really like the people I work with and I would not like to work from home every day. I like going to a place that is designated for work, where all my work ‘stuff’ is, and where I have a history with people.

But for today – this was my scenery.

Total relaxation..

...this..

and this ..

....this..

yes, and this ..

there's always a box somewhere ...

..friendship..

..and given the opportunity, this would be MY nap. Doesn't she look completely content?

Ibuprophen is my friend.

I don’t have one of those electric or gas powered hedge trimmers and to be honest, I’m a little afraid of them. When I was in high school my mom was outside with the hedge trimmer while I, ever the selfish teenager, was in the house being self absorbed I’m sure.

Mom came in the house and went straight to the bathroom and something about it just didn’t sound right. When I checked it out – there was blood on the carpet. There was blood at the front door and on the porch. I went to the bathroom door and heard “go next door and get Kenny, tell him I need to go to the hospital!”

AGH-H-H-H!!!!! (that was me.)

I ran next door and told our neighbor that my mom had an accident with the hedge trimmer and needed to go to the hospital. Then I went out into the yard where the hedge trimmer was laying and …yeah … I looked for fingers. I had no idea if there were fingers out there but I was prepared to pick them up and put them in a baggie with ice.

Turned out that her little finger was broken and she needed a bunch of stitches, but all her fingers were attached. So you can see why I might be a little frightened of that particular landscaping tool.

Which is why I was outside today with the old fashioned kind of clippers hacking away at the bushes in front of the house. (spell check REALLY hates my grammar.) Part way through I realized that I had owned this pair of clippers for over 10 years and they’ve never been sharpened so you can imagine how easy they were to use. Heh. I had skipped doing the bushes last year so they had a lot of growth that needed to be cut off and a lot of shaping to be done.

Yard work, or any manual labor for that matter, is not my favorite thing. It would help I suppose if I did it every now and then so it wasn’t such a shock to my system when I finally do get my butt out there to get it done. But I don’t and it is.

It’s been 6 hours since I was out trimming the bushes. My arms feel like lead, my hands shake when I lift a drink to my mouth, and fine motor skills are non-existent due to the screaming arthritis pain in my thumbs right now. But the worst? My back. Oh.my.God.

Once I get the laundry folded and my lunch ready for work tomorrow, I am curling up in bed on my side with a pillow between my knees and praying it’s not worse tomorrow.

I’m pretending that’s actually a possibility or I might have nightmares.

It's finally here!!!

Since I moved into this new position at work I have been waiting for the opportunity to switch from a PC to a laptop. That way I can take it home and I can continue to learn new things and figure out processes I may be having trouble with ....



Yeah, so the new laptop is here and now I can work at the office and I can work at home and ... wait ... I've been WAITING for this????? *scratches head*

Maybe I'm not as bright as I thought I was. Sigh-h-h.

Doggone blog ads!

I looked at my blog this morning and saw a BlogHer ad for Weight Watchers. Sigh-h-h.


At work announcements are made over the P.A. saying "The weight loss group for really fat employees who want to humiliate themselves will be meeting in the cafeteria at 11:30. New members are welcome to attend." Ack-k-k.


The grocery store has magazines at the check-out lane with headlines saying "How celebrities swallow cotton balls and drink water to lose weight and stay fit". Or "How this lady lost 167 lbs and kept it off for 3 decades by eating only guppies and cream cheese!!!" Arg-g-g.


I get emails "Do you want to lose weight fast?" "Do you want to lose weight now?" "Do you want to lose weight and still eat all you want?" "Do you want to be more attractive to that woman in your life?" HUH? Gr-r-r.


Of course I take all of those things personally and LOUDLY ask "What are you saying?????"


So yeah. This morning I clicked on an ad on my own blog and joined Weight Watchers. I know that most people who do it have success with it. I dabbled in it about 7 years ago and it was working for me until something happened that put a damper on it for me and I stopped. But I need help.


Going to my doctor and yelling at him, telling him "I'm tired, have no energy and am gaining weight in leaps and bounds and I want you to FIX IT!!!!" hasn't worked. Doing it on my own hasn't worked. Thyroid meds? Nope. I thought Nutrisystem would be the answer but it wasn't. Diet tea? Uh uh. Diet pills from the doctor? Nah. And no I won't try that oily stool stuff 'Alli'.


Weight Watchers. I hope to be a success story.


Do you think I'll get paid for clicking on the ad on my own blog? I mean, I did join!

So? I've had a bad day.

How come when you're feeling bad, maybe even feeling a little sorry for yourself and just when you decide to go with it, feel crappy, get through it and move on - there's always someone who is there to remind you. "Well it could always be worse." Yup, I could be dying, I could have no feet, I could a lot of things. But this is MY bad day and MY feelings and don't make me feel guilty - I already feel bad enough!

I DID lose a little bit of weight. But it's only a little and not nearly as much as I would think considering the fact that all the food I have been eating has been healthy! E-e-e-e-w!! Sorry but I'm a big fan of preservatives. The longer shelf life it has - the more of a guilty pleasure it is likely to be. I don't really mean that - but it sounded good. :)

When I got home from work after being in a funk there, I had to fight the urge to go to McDonald's. Now mind you, I don't even LIKE McDonald's that much! But I got the idea of a Quarter Pounder meal with a Coke in my head and it just wouldn't go away. I had to stop and ask myself, why am I doing this to myself? I have been force-feeding myself all this fruit and yogurt and low fat reconstituted healthy -ahem- food - working hard - and the day I weigh myself and discover I have actually lost a little bit of weight - I want to sabotage myself. Hmmm. What the hell is wrong with me?

I had to sit and think about it for a while. Do I want to fail? Am I hiding behind weight? I'm fat so I can't .... what??? I don't know. If you're thinking I'm going to end this with some profound insight you will be sorely disappointed. I just don't know. Obviously I am not eating just because I'm hungry. So why when it should be good news, do I try to make it bad?

Work was a drag although I must admit seeing Joan's face light up like a little kid when she saw me was a treat - she came over saying - "I miss you so much when you're not here!" It's nice to be greeted that way. Nothing horrible or momentous happened, I think I was reminded about how much I used to love my job. For about 16 years I truly loved my job. I was busy - sometimes crazy busy but at the end of the day I felt good. It was a "good kind of tired" to quote David Letterman. When everything else in my life had gone down the crapper for a while there - I could always go to work and feel good about myself because I loved the people I worked with and I was good at my job. I cannot tell you how many times a day I would answer that phone and hear relief in the voice on the other end and "Oh I am SO glad I got you!!" Because there were clients out there who thought I was the only person who could help them with their problem. I called it 'instant attaboys'. How many people get bunches of those in a day?

But about 4 years ago things started to change. As the company has gotten bigger, it has become less personal and very much about the bottom line. It's sad. The calls I used to take got sent to a regional help desk and we were asked to help those 'co-workers' and give them as much assistance as possible. Basically train the people who were taking our jobs. And we did it too - we never blamed the help desk people themselves, they were just doing their (our) jobs. It's the company. Slowly things are being taken away from us and we are feeling quite under-valued - as well as downright DE-valued.

I've never understood the American corporation - isn't a happy employee a better worker? Isn't an employee who feels empowered and trusted and valued going to give everything they possibly can to their job? Instead as things have changed we were actually told (by a supervisor who is no longer our supervisor) that we should just be grateful we have jobs. We ARE grateful. But we would also like to maintain our self respect and know that - in my case - my 20 years of experience means something.

Losing a huge contract at the end of last year prompted layoffs all over the country, my business unit as well. We all walk on eggshells because we are just waiting for the axe to fall, our time is coming. Thank God if it does happen I will be eligible for about 6 months of severance. It may not happen soon, but we just don't know so we are all uncomfortable all of the time. Working in a climate of fear every day is not a good feeling. Add to that a new bosses boss who is a micro-manager and you have some very unhappy people.

The other funkified place in my brain is that spot that thinks about where I live. I rent a house. I cannot afford to buy one and most likely never will. I had a house once, my ex bought it for me basically as a good bye gift when he knew he had fallen in love with his girlfriend. I know. Not a nice thought but at the time - I didn't know there was a girlfriend. We got a huge mortgage and I trusted him implicitly - he always handled the money. When we headed for divorce and he promised my child support and maintenance would cover the mortgage, I believed him.

When I was a little girl we never talked about careers in my house. Matter of fact I don't think we talked about the future -about what any of us wanted to do when we grew up. I never planned for anything other than being a wife and mother with a husband, a home, and children to raise. I think I always assumed I would have to work outside the home some, but never thought about getting an education or having any direction other than having the whole white picket fence ideal.

When I finally got my house - oh it was beautiful. To me anyway. I loved it. Nice neighborhood, great school just down the street, the kids could run right outside and play. I could hang things on the walls and they were MY walls - nobody could tell me I couldn't paint or hang pictures or change the tile in the bathroom. It was mine. I was in serious denial about my marriage at that point because I was terrified of being alone with 2 kids to support. It was easier to just not let my mind comprehend what was really happening.

When I got divorced and the ex was out of work a few times and couldn't pay me, I used my credit cards to keep the cash for the mortgage. I got in real trouble that way and I was so naive about money I did everything wrong. The first thing I should have done was to sell that house and buy something smaller with a more manageable mortgage, but I was romantic about it all. It was my house. My first house. My notion of a home was always - where you raise your kids and live forever - so your kids can bring their kids to visit and tell them - "this used to be my room." You didn't just sell your home or move your kids because of a divorce! Well, I really needed to.

After a few years of juggling I had to sell the house or the bank was going to take it. Horrible. I have heard it said that if you show a willingness to pay - and you call your mortgage company they will work with you. Not mine! I was on the phone with them in tears more than once - and they would not budge. Make your entire payment on this date, nothing else is acceptable.

Moving out of that house was the end of that picket fence dream for me. Not only was I broke but I was in the hole - BIG - and with what I earned and rent and everything it was always check to check, no savings. I think I mourned the death of that dream more than I mourned my actual divorce because by then I wasn't in love with the man I married anymore. And once the dream was dead - then what? It was all I ever planned for.

So after renting and moving and renting some more - I can usually deal with the idea that I will always live somewhere where someone else can tell me how many pets I can have. I am very aware of the fact that I am where I am because of a series of bad decisions on my part. As much as I would like to blame someone else, I can't. A few days ago my daughter (who works for a realtor when she is home from school) said "you know Mom, with the market so bad right now - I know an agent would work with you to help you get a house." She meant well, and I did not snap at her or anything but I did tell her that with about $1600.00 dollars in the bank - no - $300.00 after the landlord cashes her check - I wasn't in the market for a house, no matter what the market was doing - it wasn't my market.

So there I was a couple of days ago going for a walk for exercise doncha know. And when I am walking down the residential streets of my neighborhood with the mixture of older brick homes, bungalows, and big new Victorians - I can only walk and look and think and ask - how do all these people do it? I know the answer. It's the 2 income thing which I haven't had for a good long while. So I suck it up and most times deal with it. My path is my path for a reason, even if I don't know what that reason is. I remind myself of the good things - and there are many - and I'm okay.

It's just sometimes when a series of things happen all at once and I start to feel bad - I just plain feel bad. I will get better, probably even by tomorrow. Things will be seen in a different light. But today, tonight, things just kinda suck. I will get my Nutrisystem breakfast and lunch ready for tomorrow, get my tea ready for the morning. I need to remember to give Riley (the old boy kitty) his medicine. Then I will go outside and walk when it is dark and nobody can see me mooning at their houses and wishing they were mine and that the dream never died.

On the other hand, if the dream really never died, would that mean I would still have to be married to my ex-husband? Cause I'm sorry. That would be a deal breaker!

Geez. Even I have my limits.

Listed

Well I finally listed a few things tonight. Problem is, once you start listing you just want to keep going and list whatever you have. I listed 4 pieces, I had about 10 sitting there waiting to go. It makes sense, because of the way Etsy works, to list things a few at a time, not all at once. So I will wait to list more.

I'm also in a creating mood - ran into the bead room tonight to make an ankle bracelet with bells on it. My daughter came home from the Cubs game (Cubs won!) this evening and picked it up and said "oh that's cute! When did you buy that?" I took that as a compliment that she didn't know I made it. I think. So that will be one more piece to list as well. It doesn't photograph very well tho, and my ankles are not attractive enough to model anything on!

Had an enjoyable day at work today. There were a couple of people out so the workload was heavier for me and I like that a lot better. Mostly it was just Ysabel and I, and it was like it used to be when it was just her and I and we held down the fort damn well all by ourselves. We work well together, always have. Joan was there too but she doesn't really do the same things we do, so really - it was the 2 of us. I enjoy that pace, and there is a lot more sense of accomplishment attached.

Right now we feel like we are waiting to see who will be 'let go' - there have been a lot of people across the company let go since we lost a huge insurance contract. Our business unit has been hit hard, probably because we aren't standard and never have been. We have always been the red-headed step child who did things their own way and other business units don't really like that. Sigh-h-h-h. I would hope 20 years would count for something but when it comes down to the bottom line, it may not. Today was good though.

So - I feel like I'm reaching a new creative phase, trying different things. I have some wire work tools ordered and am looking forward to learning how to make some of my own findings, etc. Tamara from McFarland Designs put a tutorial on her blog not too long ago, on how to make earwires. Very cool - and very nice of her to do that. This picture is from her site, her finished earwires from the tutorial. I like these - have never used this round type before but I would like to try making and using some. The link to her blog is on the left under 'blogs & things'.

That's something I really like about this community, the handcrafted community. People are so willing to share how they do things and help other people out. There are a few people who guard their supply sources closely, I suppose I can't blame them for that. But for the most part - if you ask for help lots of people offer it - and using the tutorial I have been talking about as an example - people put information out there for the taking. Very very nice.

I'm thinking I need to shut down and get some sleep. I am a champion sleeper but I never seem to get to bed before midnight these days - and more often than not - I'm up past 1:30am. Not happy in the morning! :) Nite!!

Work must be done!

I absolutely MUST get some things done today. Somehow I manage to sit at this computer for hours and hours and while I am learning a lot about selling and beading and wire working, I still need to actually DO that stuff. I also need to clean my house.

Today I was checking out blogs - looking at blogs I normally do - and clicking on blogs they like - and I ran across a blog called ND Homekeeper. It is written by a lady whose family is homesteading in North Dakota, her husband, 4 boys, and herself. I was facinated! And also somewhat embarrassed that I cannot seem to get normal every day stuff done when people like that are doing almost everything the hard way. I need a better work ethic.

I don't feel very good - have a splitting headache, feel nauseated and shaky. I'm hoping a little food will settle me down.

I finally found my weapon of choice to put holes in my earring cards - the pointy end of a seam ripper! After posting a question in Etsy forums asking what other people use - (thanks everyone!!) and finding out most do not use hole punches - I went on a search of the house to find my best tool. I am pretty sure I will find something better but in the meantime - the seam ripper wins!

Started poking holes and putting earrings on cards, putting the rubber stoppers on the backs, and putting them in baggies last night. I have plenty more to do - but I want to at least get one picture of each on Roberta before I get them packaged up. So - I have a lot to do today, most of it not jewelry or Etsy related. Need to start with food.