Sunday, November 4, 2007

Fidelity personified

A lot of people have toys, personal toys, appliances, if you will. They usually keep them hidden in a drawer, under the bed, or on a high closet shelf. And they don't talk about them, much less bring them out in front of guests in their home.

My old man cat Riley has a different idea about that. When he was a young cat, even after he was neutered, I would find him rubbing up against my daughters robe that was left in a heap on her bedroom floor. She had a Simba stuffed toy, and I would find Riley trying to molest it, even though it was a bit small for him to maneuver into position. It got to the point where I said - he just has to have something for himself because he's obviously not going to stop this behavior.

I came home from shopping with a 5 dollar pet toy for him. I walked in, dropped the lamb on the floor in front of Riley. He stood up, sniffed her, bit into her tail and carried her away. From that moment on he never bothered anyone else's stuff. He was in love.

You know when you see something that just creeps you out, or grosses you out, to the point that you physically shudder? You know that noise you make - that kind of deep in your throat ugh-uh-uh-h? Well - that is the name of Riley's girlfriend. We thought that was appropriate.

He likes to show her off. He can leave her alone for days at a time but as soon as someone comes over, there he is grabbing her by the tail and dragging her into whatever room the people are in, and going right ahead and getting busy. Loudly. He yowls louder than any cat you ever hear outside in a fight, always in a guttural manner because his teeth are clenched on the rear end of Ugh-uh-uh-h.

Years have passed and Riley's girlfriend has seen better days. I have washed her, but she is still filthy. She has patches where the fur has been rubbed completely off, and I'm not sure what color she was before. I thought that Riley being male, might welcome a younger, fresher model, with fluffy fur without the rode hard look. Uh, no.

I brought home another, I thought, lovely 5 dollar pet toy for Riley. I dropped her on the floor in front of him expecting him to throw the old one off in a split second and start flirting with the new younger girl in the house. Uh uh. He looked at her with disdain and walked away. We tried taking Ugh-uh-uh-h away from him and leaving him no choice of girls. He did without. We tried rubbing the old one all over the new one to transfer the familiar scent of one to the other. He ignored her. My daughter went so far as to duct tape the 2 together, thinking Riley would have to be doing 2 at one time and might slowly transfer his affections to the 2nd girl. Nope. Wasn't gonna happen.

So the new fluffy toy sits unmolested but hopeful in the living room. Ugh-uh-uh-h gets a regular workout, depending of course how often someone else visits. And Riley? He's a happy old guy. I must admit to a bit of admiration for his loyalty. He loves Ugh-uh-uh-h even though she's old and her body isn't what it once was. And he was faithful to her, even when he was sorely tempted by a younger gal.

A lot can be said about Riley, he's a horny old exhibitionist, but he's got standards!



  1. Cats do that kind of thing? I had no idea....very cute....

  2. Not only does he do it - but he is very loud and totally undignified about the whole thing.
    The vet said it IS unusual for a cat - especially with an inanimate object. I guess I'm glad he has his girlfriend, he doesn't hump anybodies legs!

  3. Day holy crackers! *snort* You go Kitty!!

  4. This is such a brilliant post !
    My mothers papillons ( both female ) have a terrible old squirrel toy that they do unspeakable things to , and god forbid if anyone else tries to touch it ... its theirs !

    Your story also reminded me of our Pearl ( also female ) before she was neutered ( we had two litters of kittens from her ) , when in season and calling she used to back her toys ( and once even her son Toby ) up agaisnt the back of the sofa and the noise she made . the most embarrasing was when she started on Nat s friends father s suede shoe .. he asked me what she was doing and I was trying to pretend I wasnt sure ....
    pets ? dony you just love them ?

  5. I am glad you have given Riley an outlet to relieve his compulsive sex drive. I can't believe we are discussing a cat's sex life! Your post did make me laugh and smile though. He should be one happy cat!

  6. Oh geeze, if I didnt know better Id think you were pulling my chain!!! ROFL!!!!! Riley is Genuine Original Character!!! LOL

  7. I heart kitty cats....

    Funny post. At least your cat is loyal, and super handsome too!

  8. He looks as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth! I can't believe he'd do such a thing in public. (I left the l out of public first time round so you know where my mind's at!)

  9. OH how funny my Mums cat has a toy lamb but instead of the humping she suckles it!!!!

    My Cat Charlie just chews the legs and arms off all my dd toys!