I'll be alright. Really.

Wanted to update my blood and gore picture and show you how pretty my arm is today! It's already getting green around the edges so it will be soon enough when there are no more pretty pinks or purples to admire. Aint it a beaut??

Came home from work today and looked around at my quiet house - and didn't get upset at all. I actually do like my own company. I'm good on my own. I do miss my daughter but I think it's more about this time being different from the other times she has left for school. This time she's not sure she'll be moving back home again so it feels way more permanent. Even if it's not.

I think she felt it too - being in a dorm Dani still felt a bit protected and cocooned. Moving into a house with rent, utilities and other responsibilities feels like more of a risk even if she knows I will still be a safety net if she needs one. It's that step to living like an adult that I told her to wait as long as she could to avoid taking.

I think I prepared her for the realities of what's out there as an adult, but I also emphasized that there was no hurry to get there. I moved out of the house when I was 18 because I was in such a hurry to be on my own. I didn't want my kids to start out like I did, with nothing except blissful ignorance. But I also know that it's highly unusual for a kid - any kid - to listen to every cautionary tale their parents tell. They learn best by falling down and skinning their knees.

So, I'm fine, she's fine, and I won't get any more cats in some sad (read crazy) emotional response.

My goal right now is to get my house together and then get back to beading. I cannot even tell you how long it's been since I've made anything even though I still have the urge to do it. I sold something from my shop tonight and it surprises me lately when that happens because I haven't been putting any effort into it. I need - no - I want to get back to it.

I will admit to calling Dani today, and when I reached her she was cleaning a toilet. How great is that?!?! She's out on her own, my house is the same tonight as it was when I left this morning and my daughter is cleaning a bathroom. Of course I wish it was MY bathroom, but still.

The joys of being a grownup. :)

How many good byes?

This week has been a lot of getting ready for Dani to leave for school again. This will be her last semester at school, and I wonder whether or not her leaving this time will be permanent. She is renting a house this time, with another girl, no more dorm-life. Here at home she is 5 hours away from her boyfriend, at school - only an hour and a half.

SHE IS TAKING HER BED THIS TIME PEOPLE!

Besides filling the house with boxes and littering the floor with odds and ends - we shopped for cleaning supplies and some kitchen utensils, a few tools, the things she will need in a house as opposed to a dorm room.

But um .. her house is almost as big as mine, and she has no furniture. Her bed, a side table, things like that do not fill a house. Her roommate will be bringing a few things but more is needed. So we did what any good mother/daughter team with no resources does - we went shopping at the curb, giggling and enjoying the heck out of it.

I know I've done it myself, had a piece of furniture that has seen better days but was still usable that I didn't know what to do with when I was ready to replace it. So I have put things out at the curb hoping someone would come by and snatch it up before the garbage collectors did. And it was usually gone before those trucks came rumbling by the next morning.

We managed to find a kitchen table with 4 chairs, an end table and a recliner. The table and chairs need some cleaning but are definitely in college student shape and the recliner is in surprisingly good repair and has no suspicious odors which was a big prerequisite for even making it into the car.

She leaves tomorrow.

I told her that when she graduates from school it would be a really good idea to move home for a few years to save money. That way she won't get stuck renting and can get some money saved, etc. Don't think she's buying it.

I am very proud of her growing up and being so independent. She's smart, has a good head on her shoulders and I'm sure she'll do fine.

But Mom just might miss her. Some.

So far, so good.

Tonight - it is raining. I poked my head up into the attic because you know, I like to, and I did not see any water coming in. I also poked my head into my daughter's closet because you know, I like to do that too. Some of the mold is re-emerging. Gah. I cannot wait for that drywall to be replaced.

I am still skeptical and will continue to be on water-watch.

In better news, Dani went through the boxes of moldy (mostly) crap from her closet and found something we thought was lost forever.

The best baby picture ever! Well, WE think so!



She's leaving for school again on Sunday. When did she stop being so little and dependent on me? She's doing exactly what I raised her to do but boy it's tough sometimes.

Rainbows, moonbeams, and butterflies.

Well she’s ba-a-a-c-k….! With all her stuff. Dani had a single room at college this year which means it was more like an apartment judging by the amount of stuff she accumulated. There are bags and boxes of God knows what in the living room, the garage, and I hope she has at least some of it in her bedroom.

She brought back all kinds of stuff, even the new boy. Looking for a picture of him? Well, we killed him. He is stashed under a couple of those black garbage bags with his face pressed into the cat hair covered carpet.

Except – she’s smiling while she is posing in the midst of her college possessions so I’m guessing you know I’m fooling. No, the new boy has gone back to where he lives, safe and sound and without any eye swelling that I saw and only a few sneezes. Hallelujah. We DIDN’T kill him.

I’m not going to do a whole critique here, how rude would that be? He seems like a very nice guy, honest, very forthright and intelligent. He’s got a good sense of humor, a bit on the odd side, so he fits right in. The only strike he has against him is that he is dating my daughter and I don’t know him. I would say that’s a natural strike any guy will start out with until he’s been around for a while so I’m not picking on him. Oh by the way – his name is Dan.

We’re a little Dan heavy around here. My son hangs out with a guy named Dan, and sometimes this other guy named Dan. My brother’s name is Dan, my daughter is Dani and her new boy is Dan. STOP THE MADNESS!!! Oh sorry. Just a little Dan crazy for a second there.

My daughter is home, and so happy with this new boy I’m tempted to lift up her skirt to verify that rainbows and moonbeams really are shooting out of her butt. With butterflies. And possibly kittens.

Um, but I won’t. Have to draw the line somewhere.

She didn't see me wave

At what point exactly, did she grow up? She's been doing it in fits and starts for the last few years I suppose, one day being independent and doing everything on her own, the next looking to Mommy for approval and encouragement and hugs.

She loaded up her car this morning and left for college. She did this last year, although last year her brother and I went with her. This year she loaded up her car and set out on her own. She has left my house a mess, with discarded pieces of clothing and items she decided at the last moment not to take scattered everywhere. There is not a room in the house that has not felt her leaving, with something out of place or obviously left behind.

I stood at the door and watched through the screen as she pulled down the driveway, out into the street, and drove away. Before she got into her car I asked her to be careful, kissed her, said I love you. She hugged me and kissed me back, rolling her eyes as she promised not to drive too fast in the rain. Okay Mom, I won't. Uh huh, sure. I waved as she pulled away but she didn't see me, she was already on her way.

I'm looking around at all the stuff left on the furniture, floor, and tables. I will need to clean up behind her as I have been doing since she was born it seems. Yes, she left my home a mess today when she left. She also left it empty. Bye bye Honey, be careful.