Friday, February 8, 2008

I love you, but .....

To my Dearest Pets;

I would like to take my coat off when I walk in the door before you start yelling at me. Do you think you could manage that?

It would be nice to walk across a room without one of you following me. Why are you are absolutely sure that whatever I am doing has something to do with you?

Riley, what does it mean when you sit and stare at me making that annoyed sound in the back of your throat like Marge on the Simpson’s?

Abby, do you think I could walk past the back of the couch without you trying to bite me? Just once? I don’t have to let you live here you know.

Norah do you get points if I trip over you?

Since I am good enough to buy you the expensive food for senior cats with sensitive stomachs, don’t you think you could try a bit harder to not puke it up on the rug?!!

If I let you crawl under the covers with me at night, don’t you think I deserve not to get bit simply because I move my arm?

Just what is it you smell on the carpet that makes you sit with your mouth open that way?

Why is it if I were to purchase the most wonderful cat bed in the world, each and every one of you would still rather sleep on the stack of clothes sitting on my bed?

How come the minute anyone dons black slacks – one of you has to rub up against them? Are you so opposed to black pants that you must decorate them with a thick layer of hair around the ankles?

Is there a reason that if I bring home a plant it will turn out to be poisonous and you Jake will immediately eat some of it?

What’s the deal with an empty box? Does the world look better from inside it?

And Jake, I know you only want to drink out of the faucet in the bathroom. I accept that. But does it really only taste good when I am in the bathroom with you? Sitting on the toilet? With my pants down?? You check before you drink, don’t you?


  1. Oooh! Ooooh! I have some. Why is it that you know who's allergic to cats and immediately rub up against them, ensuring that they will never come back to my house? And why do you think one of my bed pillows is for your big fat ass instead of my head?

  2. I have another! Why do you feel the need to use the litter box the moment I am trying to clean it.

  3. Mine has just suddenly decided she can't be bothered with the litter box.. and the dogs are like.. hey.. if she can go on the carpet, we will too!

    I'm fixin' to break bad.

  4. Great, very funny.. animals are the funniest!

    BTW Hope you don't mind but I tagged you for something at my blog..

  5. We love our animals - when we don't feel like killing them! :)

  6. Ha! My mom always said that God gave animals and children their cuteness as a defense. It's the only thing that keeps us from killing them. LOL.

  7. Once your cats have finished reading the letter, can you send it to my 3 obnoxious furballs? I'd love to know why they follow me around the house. I like to think it's affectionate, but with cats, there's always an ulterior motive!

  8. I agree - they allow us to think we know what's going on in our own homes!

  9. seriously, the box thing? i don't GET that! our kitties are always in the boxes, and i keep asking if they want to go somewhere by mail. one of these days, i'm packing them up and shipping them to saskatchewan.

  10. BJ,

    You should try some herbs for those sensitive stomachs.

    We are here just to serve the needs of our pets

  11. Isn't that the truth! Our pets dictate to us...I'm a slave to my dogs...You captured this reality!

  12. You said it all! One of mine actually grumbles when I give her her canned food treat as in " Do I HAVE to walk alllll the way there to get it?"

  13. I talk to them like they understand me too ...