I love you, but .....

To my Dearest Pets;

I would like to take my coat off when I walk in the door before you start yelling at me. Do you think you could manage that?

It would be nice to walk across a room without one of you following me. Why are you are absolutely sure that whatever I am doing has something to do with you?

Riley, what does it mean when you sit and stare at me making that annoyed sound in the back of your throat like Marge on the Simpson’s?

Abby, do you think I could walk past the back of the couch without you trying to bite me? Just once? I don’t have to let you live here you know.

Norah do you get points if I trip over you?

Since I am good enough to buy you the expensive food for senior cats with sensitive stomachs, don’t you think you could try a bit harder to not puke it up on the rug?!!

If I let you crawl under the covers with me at night, don’t you think I deserve not to get bit simply because I move my arm?

Just what is it you smell on the carpet that makes you sit with your mouth open that way?

Why is it if I were to purchase the most wonderful cat bed in the world, each and every one of you would still rather sleep on the stack of clothes sitting on my bed?

How come the minute anyone dons black slacks – one of you has to rub up against them? Are you so opposed to black pants that you must decorate them with a thick layer of hair around the ankles?

Is there a reason that if I bring home a plant it will turn out to be poisonous and you Jake will immediately eat some of it?

What’s the deal with an empty box? Does the world look better from inside it?

And Jake, I know you only want to drink out of the faucet in the bathroom. I accept that. But does it really only taste good when I am in the bathroom with you? Sitting on the toilet? With my pants down?? You check before you drink, don’t you?