STUPID CAT!!!

Riley the old man cat started himself on fire today. It was his own fault. He was being impatient for his food this morning, I wasn’t getting it quite fast enough for him and you know, he was starving to death after all.

I turned on the tea kettle that already had water in it (for me not the cats) and cleaned up the cat puke Riley had left for me in the utility room before I started getting their food. It seemed like the thing to do.

The other cats were being patient, winding round my ankles trying to trip me and then going to their assigned places where they knew I would put their plates down shortly. We do it every day.

Riley decided he couldn’t wait and made a leap from the floor to the stovetop on my right knocking the tea kettle backwards and attempting to walk through fire to get to his food. As soon as I felt him hit my side and heard the kettle I whipped around and grabbed him knowing he had just jumped into the flames.

It all happened so fast that I’m not sure if I saw the flame or just assumed it was there but by the time he was on the ground I saw one last lick of fire near his chest and I continued to smack him a few more times until I was sure it was out.

Then I did what anyone does who has a child who almost runs into the street in the path of a car – I yelled at him. “You DUMMY!!!” Yeah, that’s me, Miss Articulate. And poor Riley, he was just bewildered. I had grabbed him and simultaneously beat him while unceremoniously dumping him on the floor and then I yelled at him. I’m sure that’s how he saw it, and he still didn’t have his food!

A quick inspection while he was eating (the only way to get him to stand still) revealed one leg singed, some of the fur on his chest as well, and his whiskers curled on the ends. I have no hair left on that hand and you can just imagine how the kitchen smelled! Nice.

I think he’s okay but it’s so hard to tell with a cat. I wrapped a wet paper towel around Riley’s leg for as long as I could hold him still - but can’t tell if he is actually burned or just objected to being restrained and having something wet around one of his limbs. I will have to watch him a bit but all in all I would say the stupid cat is just fine.

But he just about gave ME a heart attack!