She’s not wrong.

Me: Sweetie! Look outside, look how pretty the sky is!

Granddaughter: Oh! It’s beautiful! Just like me!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I admit it, I whine, I complain, but do not think I don't know how good I have it. I have kids, a grandchild, a job, a roof over my head, and food in my belly. And oh - I have plenty of things I wanted but did not need. My life is good.

If anyone stumbles across this blog today, whether Thanksgiving is something you celebrate or not, I wish you blessings and nothing but good things in your life.

Working from home. With cats.

Working from home has been something to get used to, since the pandemic began. Now it looks like many of us will continue working from home once it ends. There are pros and cons but my cats would tell you it's great! 

I have 4 cats, my self-imposed limit. That's not to say that if I had the resources I might have a bigger house and another cat or 2. But there would be a lot of conditions. 4 is a good number for me now, although I should probably only have 2. If I had a house with a catio, or someone to come vacuum for me everyday, maybe I would be better at justifying 4. However, I met a guy once who had 16 so I don't consider myself over the top.

There are usually 2 or 3 cats in my office at any given moment during the day, the only time there are 4 is if Emmett comes in at 5:01pm (now that's he's gotten used to the time change) to meow at me for dinner.

Cruz is my frequent flier and biggest nuisance er .. velcro cat. He has to be on my desk between me and my keyboard, or between my keyboard and monitors, or wherever he can cause the most amount of disruption, in general. He wants me to pay more attention to him than is practical while typing.

Louise likes to come in and meow plaintively at me because in the morning there are reflections dancing on the walls that remind her of the red dot. The red dot is her psychosis inducing nemesis. Eventually she climbs onto the cat tree and goes to sleep.

Abby will murder me in my sleep one day, I'm convinced. But being home and having access to me almost 24/7 seems to have mellowed her a bit. Now she only plans to murder me when I'm touching her. She has a place of honor on my desk, she lays in front of the window on some cat blankets and basks in the sun in the morning. In the afternoon she switches to an enclosed bed under my desk.

Emmett, well, Emmett. He is my scaredy-cat who hides under or on my bed during the day. He doesn't hang with us in the office and only emerges when his stomach (which is VERY reliable) tells him it is time to eat. 

It's possible that working from home without my cats would be harder. They bring some comfort during the day, humor, and loads of cat hair. But it's also fair to say that working at home with my cats, isn't any easier either! 

 Cruz                                  Louise                                 Abby                             Emmett

Sometimes This is All I Need

Sometimes when my day is bad, when my spirits are crushed and hopes are dashed, this little 4 year old tornado of a child comes over and bakes box-mix brownies with me, and all is right with my world.

I was not a perfect parent by any means, ask my kids - they'll tell you. But somehow I still got rewarded with a grandchild which to me is a gift to treasure forever. 

This little girl is growing up way too fast but because of the invention of the smartphone, there are pictures and more pictures to look back and remember the days she fell asleep in Grandmas arms, tried to drink Grandmas tea, and tried to climb the cat tree. 

Right now those pictures allow me to look back and remember when she was a baby and relive all the moments we have spent together so far.

Hopefully someday those pictures will be what she uses to remember things she did at Grandmas house, music she heard, treats she talked me into, and with videos - even remember the sound of Grandmas voice. Right now the pictures aren't so important to her, one day - they will be some of the only things she has of me.

Friday Felt Worse Than a Bad Monday!

So. Friday. We all look forward to Friday, right? I'm no different. But Friday last, was a no good, bad, very bad day. SO BAD. I mean .. I had what I would consider something of a meltdown in the middle of my work day which is something that hasn't happened in a very long time. It had been building up and totally crashed in on me, on Friday. My heart was racing, my adrenaline was flowing and if I could have, I would have shut down my computer and run away. As fast and as far as I could have. 

After a while I began to feel a bit better after unloading all my panic onto a sympathetic coworker, but it didn't make the actual issue go away. I may have just pushed it out further.

By the end of the day I was beat, just so tired, demoralized, and my confidence was at an all-time low. So what did I do? Exactly what people who tend to be emotional eaters do. I planned what I wanted to drown my sorrows in for dinner.

NOT my pizza

My choice was Chicago style, deep dish pepperoni pizza with cheese for days. I almost added chocolate, chocolate chip Haagen-Dazs to the menu but decided that would be overkill.

I should have added it.

Because what happened when I got my hands on that yummy, heavy, gooey, cheesy, pizza? It was burnt. A little bit on top, not enough to give it away at first, but when I cut into it - yeah, the bottom. It was burnt. I mean .. what ELSE???

I am at my desk now (on a Sunday night!), hoping to finish some things I needed to finish last week. I watched my granddaughter today and we made brownies which I shouldn't have eaten. But almost had a panic attack today thinking about the moment I needed to sit down and continue working, so thought I preemptively earned the brownie(s). 

That remains to be seen. Wish me luck you nonexistent readers. 

Long Day

Up at the butt-crack of dawn today, at my desk by 5:15am. Luckily my commute is super short and I was able to work in my pajamas. By 6:30 I was done and determined to go back to sleep. My sleeping skills used to be so good I could have taught a master class! Not so anymore, I wasn’t able to doze off. 

Went through my normal workday, left a bit early to pick up dinner at a drive-thru and my granddaughter from pre-school. Rushed her home, had some dinner with her, got her changed into her unitard, her hair up, and out the door to gymnastics. Spent 50 minutes watching her run, tumble, and roll, through glass, before it was time to get her back home. 

Her dad was home by the time we got there and I was back in my car, driving home to my house, shortly after. At home there were litter boxes to scoop and my regular nighttime tasks. Had my pajamas on by 8:45, it felt like midnight. I’m tired. 

Looked in the mirror. Whoops. I look as tired as I feel. This is a 62 year old woman with circles under her eyes, no makeup, no eyebrows, with a crooked half-smile and a saggy neck. No filter, just real. Me. It’s true, if I had the resources I would get some things done, not gonna lie. But I’m too tired to be vain tonight and I feel like being honest. Honestly me. 

Tomorrow is my 2nd IV iron infusion. Won't know for a couple weeks yet, whether it will make a difference. I'm just tired, ya'll.

I Would be in Favor of Morning if ..

There are morning people out there, and there are even morning people who are perky very early in the day. Pretty sure those perky morning people might be struggling with a mental disorder, but I can't prove it. Regardless, I am not a morning person, and certainly not perky in the morning. There might be an argument made that I am not ever perky, and I'm not sure that word has ever been used to describe me. But I digress.

Morning people are fine, as long as they let me sleep. In some ways I wish I were a morning person because it seems more people are morning people than people who are like me who would rather pull the covers over their head and go back to sleep. It seems to be a more acceptable way of life that I wouldn't mind being a part of. But alas, I am not. 

So tomorrow morning when I need to be at my desk at 5:20am to do some go-live testing (technical I.T. talk), I will be there. I am reliable. But I will not be happy, and God knows I will not be perky.

Also - if the testing is successful and goes quickly - you can bet your sweet a$$ I will go back to bed.

As I have said in the past - I would be in favor of morning, if it would come later in the day. Who do I talk to about arranging that?