At what point ....

. . . did this guy realize what a really bad idea this was?



Can you say OUCH???

Seriously? Maybe not.

Holy Cow I just got hit on the head and recalled that I have not updated this since they let me out!... You would not believe the amount of people that are totally stalking me. Apologies to my regular readers! Even the little blue ones!.

I am frantic with setting fire to people wearing Crocs, choosing my retirement village, just generally being a pain to anyone unfortunate to cross my path, my day seems to involve the authorities from sun-up to well after sun-down. I am avoiding recapture. my kids think I don't make sense any more.

I totally promise if one more person emails me to ask why I haven't posted today I will start posting pictures of toe fungus, or fecal murals. Seriously! This is for my ever faithful, devoted public..


..... okay, maybe that wasn't me. Lady Banana finds the coolest things when she is home sick (hope she feels better) - give it a try! The Lazy Bloggers Post Generator. What fun! And I am feeling quite lazy.

Maxine Monday

I, MAXINE, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

glass of wine
bloody Mary
chocolate
Margarita
chocolate
martini
cold beer
chocolate
chicken fried steak
chocolate
cream gravy
chocolate
french fries
pizza
chocolate
ice cream
chocolate
cup of tea
chocolate
sex
chocolate


It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is
reached. I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the
plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

It's an interesting question.

I need to go back to the doctor.

I should have known my doctor wouldn't be mad at me when he saw my bloodwork. He doesn't care enough for that! He ordered some more tests, raised the dosage on my thyroid meds and told me to lose weight. Then in response to my complaint about aging he told me how his wife told him that he's so old now none of his female patients bother to shave their legs for him anymore. I bit my tongue because I really wanted to point out that he's losing his hair too but he looked like he was having a bad day.

Actually he's a good doctor, just a smart-ass so I give it as good as I get from him. Usually. He looked tired and I was in a good mood so I gave him a break.

Did the grocery shopping after the doctor, I know I have mentioned how I hate to do it. I went in to get a few things and $260.00 later I was done. Yikes. All I wanted was the stuff to make meat loaf. I've had a taste for it lately and I figured that I needed to start cooking more so I stopped at the store.

I cook so rarely that when I do - my son always thanks me like I've done something extra special for him. I almost have to give him permission to eat it, that's how pathetic it is. But true to form - he's working 2:00pm to God only knows when tonight, one of the reasons I stopped cooking anyway. Nobody was ever around to eat what I made. Still - I want me some meat loaf and I aim to have it.

The scary part though, is that I bought the stuff to cook on other days too. And I just popped into the kitchen and made a cucumber salad. Something is wrong with me. Seriously wrong with me. I think I'd better head back to the doctor.

Last day, I promise!

This is the last gratuitous shot of my arm, parts of it are well on their way to yellow now, so that won't be any fun. But did I mention my other arm is bruised too? Not anywhere near the scale of the right arm, but still. I'm not a bleeder people. Really. I've had more than my share of needle sticks and this time just turned out to be completely heinous.

It's been a wonderful day though. Ahem. I got my labwork back today. Let's see. My triglycerides are high, my glucose is high, my sed rate and my TSH are high as well. Oh let's not forget the alkaline phosphatase! Anything low? Nah, why would I go that direction when I can go higher and higher?! So I get to go to the doctor tomorrow and he can tell me I need to eat better and get off my butt and DO something. Yay me.

There were other lovely things that happened today that seemed to involve the slaughtering of small animals but really just involved my not being quite menopausal yet - and that's about as graphic as I'll get here.

What the hell?

Came home from work and went into the fridge to get something to drink and was greeted by this.


Nice.

I am used to my son stocking up on this.


And there is usually some of this in there.


But this? Seriously?


I mean really, why is this necessary? For anything?

I'll be alright. Really.

Wanted to update my blood and gore picture and show you how pretty my arm is today! It's already getting green around the edges so it will be soon enough when there are no more pretty pinks or purples to admire. Aint it a beaut??

Came home from work today and looked around at my quiet house - and didn't get upset at all. I actually do like my own company. I'm good on my own. I do miss my daughter but I think it's more about this time being different from the other times she has left for school. This time she's not sure she'll be moving back home again so it feels way more permanent. Even if it's not.

I think she felt it too - being in a dorm Dani still felt a bit protected and cocooned. Moving into a house with rent, utilities and other responsibilities feels like more of a risk even if she knows I will still be a safety net if she needs one. It's that step to living like an adult that I told her to wait as long as she could to avoid taking.

I think I prepared her for the realities of what's out there as an adult, but I also emphasized that there was no hurry to get there. I moved out of the house when I was 18 because I was in such a hurry to be on my own. I didn't want my kids to start out like I did, with nothing except blissful ignorance. But I also know that it's highly unusual for a kid - any kid - to listen to every cautionary tale their parents tell. They learn best by falling down and skinning their knees.

So, I'm fine, she's fine, and I won't get any more cats in some sad (read crazy) emotional response.

My goal right now is to get my house together and then get back to beading. I cannot even tell you how long it's been since I've made anything even though I still have the urge to do it. I sold something from my shop tonight and it surprises me lately when that happens because I haven't been putting any effort into it. I need - no - I want to get back to it.

I will admit to calling Dani today, and when I reached her she was cleaning a toilet. How great is that?!?! She's out on her own, my house is the same tonight as it was when I left this morning and my daughter is cleaning a bathroom. Of course I wish it was MY bathroom, but still.

The joys of being a grownup. :)

Some days end better than they start.

It's been a day. Went this morning to get my blood drawn seeing as my doctor gave me the order in late April and my next appointment is Thursday - I thought it was time to carry out that instruction.

This nice gal stuck the needle in so deftly I didn't even feel it go in and I thought - jackpot (!!!) I need to get her name and ask for her next time! Then she took it out and said "Y'know I'm really not comfortable with this amount of blood, it was coming out SO slowly though. Would you mind if I got some more from the other arm?"

"Oh." Guess I'll get her name for a different reason. As the day wore on that first needle stick got prettier and prettier, can't wait to see what it looks like tomorrow!

Dani left for school yesterday and came back today for a second load of stuff. She's feeling a little bit weepy-ish about the idea that she's moving out to a house - it's different than just going into a dorm. This is much more like adult living and it's that much more scary.

For her too. *sniff. sniff.*

Somehow I just feel too old right now to be sitting here with cramps like a 14 year old, drinking orange pop and watching TV.

Still, the day's not a total loss. I'm not just a creepy old lady scratching at random and not caring who sees me reaching into my bra to relieve an itch. I just found part of a cheddar sunchip in my cleavage.

Sometimes that's almost as good as finding a twenty in the pocket of your jeans!

Maxine Monday

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How many good byes?

This week has been a lot of getting ready for Dani to leave for school again. This will be her last semester at school, and I wonder whether or not her leaving this time will be permanent. She is renting a house this time, with another girl, no more dorm-life. Here at home she is 5 hours away from her boyfriend, at school - only an hour and a half.

SHE IS TAKING HER BED THIS TIME PEOPLE!

Besides filling the house with boxes and littering the floor with odds and ends - we shopped for cleaning supplies and some kitchen utensils, a few tools, the things she will need in a house as opposed to a dorm room.

But um .. her house is almost as big as mine, and she has no furniture. Her bed, a side table, things like that do not fill a house. Her roommate will be bringing a few things but more is needed. So we did what any good mother/daughter team with no resources does - we went shopping at the curb, giggling and enjoying the heck out of it.

I know I've done it myself, had a piece of furniture that has seen better days but was still usable that I didn't know what to do with when I was ready to replace it. So I have put things out at the curb hoping someone would come by and snatch it up before the garbage collectors did. And it was usually gone before those trucks came rumbling by the next morning.

We managed to find a kitchen table with 4 chairs, an end table and a recliner. The table and chairs need some cleaning but are definitely in college student shape and the recliner is in surprisingly good repair and has no suspicious odors which was a big prerequisite for even making it into the car.

She leaves tomorrow.

I told her that when she graduates from school it would be a really good idea to move home for a few years to save money. That way she won't get stuck renting and can get some money saved, etc. Don't think she's buying it.

I am very proud of her growing up and being so independent. She's smart, has a good head on her shoulders and I'm sure she'll do fine.

But Mom just might miss her. Some.

So far, so good.

Tonight - it is raining. I poked my head up into the attic because you know, I like to, and I did not see any water coming in. I also poked my head into my daughter's closet because you know, I like to do that too. Some of the mold is re-emerging. Gah. I cannot wait for that drywall to be replaced.

I am still skeptical and will continue to be on water-watch.

In better news, Dani went through the boxes of moldy (mostly) crap from her closet and found something we thought was lost forever.

The best baby picture ever! Well, WE think so!



She's leaving for school again on Sunday. When did she stop being so little and dependent on me? She's doing exactly what I raised her to do but boy it's tough sometimes.

Simply fabulous!

My daughter emailed me at work today - "there are men on our roof."

Always a minimalist.

"Are they looking or are they fixing?"

"Fixing. Before the rain. That's what the man said who came to the door."

Okay great! Happy! It's cloudy and looks like it might rain tonight, I didn't want to be emptying the sled in the attic again. And once the roof is sealed, we can get the drywall replaced and make sure the mold is gone and all will be well with the world again.

Or .. maybe not.




This doesn't instill a lot of confidence in someone, does it? I mean, I am willing to give the patch the benefit of the doubt. But I must admit, I am skeptical.



Right on queue my landlady called, said the roofer had told her he would try to get out this week and I told her that he had been out today. She was happy about that but did not seem as appreciative when I reminded her that she needs to make sure that whoever comes out to replace the drywall needs to know there is mold involved. And we don't know what kind it is - it does have the potential to be dangerous. She also wasn't incredibly upbeat when I mentioned that my daughter has not been able to sleep in her room since the mold was found, even though I emptied and cleaned the closet as best I could, AND installed an air conditioner in that room.

Yes Landlady, even though you didn't say thank you, you're welcome. Because I'm sure you really do appreciate the cleaning and the air conditioner and the crawling around in the attic emptying the sled and the roasting pan. I know you were probably quite pleased that I did not call you over and over even though the leak and the mold were discovered over a week ago. I didn't hound you about it even though my daughter has been sleeping on the couch for a week and all of her belongings in her bedroom smell like mold.

You are SO welcome. And you can count on me to make sure that patch takes care of the leak!

Maxine Monday

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Keep it simple stupid!

How have I made it to this point in my life without ever having seen something as simple as this?

Makes me feel a little stupid . . .

Voicemail, and English as a second language.

Out-sourcing. Not my favorite topic. But I'm not sure that's even what I'm talking about so it may be a moot point.

There was a voicemail on my phone at work today. I listened to it - or maybe I should say I tried to listen to it. A few sentences into the message I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at it - like it was going to tell me something about what I was listening to.

It was funny. I couldn't help but laugh. I transferred the call to my co-worker asking if she could possibly translate. She listened to it several times, even replaying the first few sentences over and over because those were the least intelligible. We both laughed because it did not even sound anywhere close to a real language - much less English! She came up with "somebody died - and it had something to do with Polish sausage!" Beyond that - I was out of luck.

I never did figure out what the man was saying. I made out enough words - maybe 4 - but they were an important 4 - that the call was work related and probably in regard to some support I had requested. No idea what support, no idea what the problem was, who the message was from or why he was calling me. I deal with issues all day long. No clue which issue this was about.

He left a number to call him back but I just couldn't bring myself to do it because I knew I wouldn't be able to understand him. I also knew that if I did talk to him and heard anything remotely like Polish sausage and dying - I would have popped a vessel in my eye trying to hold back the laughter on the phone.

Which brings me back to out-sourcing. My company does it. Some. I am sure this was someone calling me from overseas to address an issue I had requested assistance with. Whether or not I agree with the concept of hiring people overseas for less money than an American worker would make in order to bump up the bottom line, I do have strong feelings I'm willing to express about one aspect of it.

Can we make sure the people we hire over in those other countries can at least speak English in a manner that is understandable by the average American?

PLEASE??

I live in the United States. It is where the company is based, it is where our clients are and where our employee's paychecks are coming from. I understand English is their second language and I do not blame them for not being able to speak it well. Hell - it's my FIRST language and I certainly don't!

But the people doing the hiring need to tighten up the qualifications for those jobs so at least we (meaning me) can understand them well enough to have a conversation with them!

All I could do was laugh and shrug my shoulders, knowing that tomorrow I will have to put some effort into which issue needs addressing. Tonight - all I could do was laugh about the deadly Polish sausage and it's ability to kill.

Because that's the closest thing to a translation that I had.

Gross. But funny.

Score! I made it to work today on time despite the fact that I had to climb into the attic and empty the sled before I showered. Oh - and the roasting pan. Yep, found another leak last night
when I was up there emptying the sled before bed.

We had tornadoes in the area last night. Bunches of people had their power knocked out, trees landed on cars and roofs were ripped off. And I was in my attic dipping a sponge into the water sitting in a pink sled and squeezing the water into a bucket.

"Mom! You can't go into the attic when there's a tornado warning!"

"Watch me."

The rain had slowed for the moment, there was a lot of lightning but c'mon - it was time for bed.
So you know of course that once I got down from the attic, emptied the bucket and pushed the
ladder back up into it's space, it started to rain and storm again. Groan...!

I was afraid that when I went to bed I would worry about the water and would have trouble
sleeping. Uh .. nope. Slept like a baby. Got up this morning and did the process over again.

It was supposed to rain today but it hasn't done it yet. I'm sure it will start to hail right before bed or something.

Told my boss about getting up in the attic before I showered this morning and he said "Why take a shower? Just go stand in the closet!

I told him he was funny. Gross. But funny.

Wonderful weekend!

Woo hoo! I wasn’t sick this weekend! The kids were otherwise occupied, I was on my own pretty much and I got a few things done. I ordered pizza and cannoli, had it delivered and settled in to enjoy a quiet and indulgent weekend. Yes, I said cannoli. Delivered to my house.

You know it couldn’t last, right? There had to be a catch for goodness sake. What would a weekend be for me if something unexpected didn’t happen?

This weekend it was mold. Wet cardboard, fuzzy walls, and a heretofore undiscovered hole in the roof. Yay me.

Dani doesn’t use the closet in her bedroom on a daily basis, it’s small and she has boxes stacked in there as well as some dresses and odds ‘n ends. So when she went into the closet on Sunday and found wet and mildew and mold covering everything in there, it was quite a shock.

Of course it was me who climbed into the attic to look for the leak. It was me who took the ladder out to look at the roof in the back of the house. And it was me who pulled those boxes and blankets and everything else out of the closet and into the garage. It was me sitting at my computer searching for something that would kill mold on drywall, me with the towel tied over my nose and mouth wiping down the walls inside the closet while trying not to breathe.

So after all that – it was also me who placed a call to my landlord (lady) who when she returned my call said “e-e-e-w-w-w!” Uh, yeah, I agree.

This house does not have central air. We’ve got a wall unit off the living room, one in the back of the house where my son lives, and a tiny one in the bead room. There isn’t one in my bedroom and not in Dani’s room either. The difference is – I sleep with my door open and she doesn’t. Can you say stuffy?

Guess who it was who went out to the garage when all manner of cooling appliances were being run at one time to try to dry out the closet –

and caused the electricity in the whole front of the house to go out? Uh huh. I love changing those old fuses that

look like shotgun shells – one for the front of the house and one for the back. Burned myself on a hot fuse too,

aint we got fun?

Finally went to bed last night way later than I should have, trying to figure out what to do because the forecast was calling for – you know already, right? Rain and storms for the next two days. I wasn’t expecting it to be dark

and stormy before I even got out of bed though. Luckily it had not started raining yet so I fed the cats and then did the only thing I could think of. I went out to the garage in my jammies, got a pink plastic sled and carried it into the house and up the attic stairs. Er .. ladder. I slid the sled across to the back eaves where the hole was – and left it there to catch the rain. MacGyver even before breakfast.

I’m guessing we got hit by lightning a few weeks ago. I remember a crack of thunder so loud it woke me up and

sent me to the windows to see if something, a tree, a house – the power lines – had been struck by lightning and were lighting up the night sky with flames. I didn’t see anything and went back to bed. Ha! Didn’t think it might be my own house. But the hole in the roof looks to be

about the size of a half dollar, the shingles all tossed in a circular pattern around it.

We will get the roof fixed, replace the drywall,

and someday maybe I will get the smell of mildew out of my nose. And hopefully soon I will have a puke-less, pain and mold free weekend I can enjoy. Also hopefully – I will be able to do it without waiting for the other shoe to drop!

** There are pictures but blogger isn't letting me post them right now. Gr-r-r.

***Yay! Got my pictures posted - woo hoo!

Maxine Monday

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Just amazing.

I follow all the blogs I do using Google reader. I don't usually read them right there, but if it says there are 42 posts to read, I don't go looking for 43 and 44. So it was with great surprise that I scrolled down to the bottom of my list of blogs last night, and discovered I had somehow managed to put a bunch of them into a folder! ??? I have no idea how.

But that is why Stimey had to email me to tell me I had won a Stimey luggage tag in her give-away - YAY ME!! - and why it is only tonight that I am commenting on some posts from Wednesday. How do I do things like that and not know it?

And the choice of blogs that were in the folder didn't even make sense. They didn't all fit into one category or anything. I had to drag them out of the folder and back up into the regular list which apparently doesn't alphabetize on it's own and now they are all out of order. I amaze me sometimes.

For the most part though, it's been a good week. Several people out on vacation at work so things were super busy which is always better than super slow. Plus I had a few issues I was able to resolve which not only made me feel good - it made me look good too. Always a good combination on the job.

Tired though, but it's a good kind of tired. Feel like I've accomplished things, and I rewarded myself with a mini-nap after work today. I managed about a half hour nap after finding a comfortable position on the couch, letting the cats sort things out while they jockeyed for position and finding something on TV I could sleep to. Nice. Just long enough to feel refreshed but not so long that I can't sleep tonight.

If you've gotten this far I'm sure you've realized absolutely nothing is going on here. At least with me. My daughter's boyfriend will be coming for the weekend but they can't stay here because he is allergic to cats. I am not offended by this - he can't help it. It's fine. Allergic I can handle - I would much rather he was allergic than be someone who feels the need to stomp their feet or throw their hats at my animals. That's weak. But when your body tells you you can't be near something - you have to pay attention. So I won't be seeing much of Dani this weekend.

Andy either actually, he's at Lollapalooza tonight, tomorrow, and Sunday. He'll be home to sleep and shower and that's about it. He'll be home after I go to bed tonight and up before I wake up in the morning. I probably won't even see his wristband run by. That boy does love an event.

So here's to hoping I won't totally sit on my butt this weekend and do nothing, because God knows - there are always things to get done around here!