Monday, April 20, 2009

Nobody told me.

Okay, this yoga thing has a big drawback for me. They expect you to breathe. I know, outrageous, right??? The woman on the DVD weighs about 98 lbs, probably has a
BMI of 2, and I think she is something disguised as a human being, but isn't one. She expects people to take a deep breath while folding themselves in half, tucking your chin to your chest and effectively cutting off any pathway to get said air into the proper breathing organs. Not to mention trying to smother you (well, me!) with your own boobs while you hang upside down! And then when you exhale all that air you didn't get into your lungs to begin with - she expects you to stretch (and or bend) MORE!!!

And I'm betting you have been asked at some time in your life to take a deep breath and hold it(!) for a count of - say - 5. That's not too shocking. But what about exhaling all the way, get all that air out of there, and hold THAT for oh - a count of 5. Is there anybody who doesn't sort of start to panic when you realize you're not supposed to even attempt to pull that air into your body when you have just pushed as much out as possible? Yikes!

Then of course I kept running into cats, sliding my leg behind me meOW! oops, sorry! Standing up - meeeOOWW!!! Gah! Sorry! And Norah thought it was great, she was right there on the floor with me thinking I was playing with her. Really sad when a cat is so bereft of proper cat entertainment they think a middle aged woman beached and wheezing on the carpet is fun!

Still, while I obviously wouldn't see any benefits from yoga only having done it 2 whole times, I can see if as part of a lifestyle change. I need to stop looking for inches and shape and weight, and keep making better food choices and do the yoga, or walking, or stepping (I ordered a compact stepper) and just live it, and things will change. I want it to happen NOW!!!! And whether or not either of my kids ever decide to spawn (as my daughter puts it) I still want to live as healthy a life as I can.

I am happy for women out there who are happy with their bodies, whatever shape they are in. More power TO them. But my joints hurt. I'm pre-diabetic. My blood pressure is high. And doggone it I used to feel pretty. I don't feel that way anymore. So - I need to keep moving. Healthier choices and exercise (gag) - if only I enjoyed any of those moving activities. Ick. But I will try. I need to live another day to post again.

* Oh, and everyone knows that the picture above is EXACTLY how I look when I am doing yoga. EXACTLY. (and I'm a little worried about you if you believe that!)


  1. I definitely know what you're talking about. I've been doing yoga for a really long time, so figuring out the rhythm of breathing mostly happened a long time ago. However I just recently started following a Pilates DVD, and holy jeebus in heaven I felt like I couldn't breathe my way out of a paper bag if my life depended on it. It was like I'd completely forgotten how to use my lungs, I was so confused. Three sessions later after improvising a lot I found my own rhythm. Yoga is the same, you will find ways to incorporate the mindful breathing without suffocating yourself. Just stick with it!

  2. Been there ...did that...tried the gym thing too gave it up.....I just make better food choices now.....
    If God wanted me to hold my breath like that he would of given me gills or something..... LOL!!

  3. Many years ago when my son was about 3 (he's now 38) and we had a puppy I tried yoga. I tried laying on the floor, but the puppy and my son both decided to sit on me. End of yoga.

  4. I hear your angst. For me, I want the bulge below my waist to disappear magically too!

  5. I had a cocker spaniel years ago who loved yoga . She used to stretch out flat on her back and raise all her paws in the air and lie like that alongside me whilst I did whatever it was I was doing . My cats however are much less co operative .. dont ask !

  6. Good on ya for having another go! Bravo BetteJo! I bet it will get even easier the next time....although I hear ya about the breathing...and the cats! LOL Cant do anything without either of those, LOL!

  7. Robin Marie - I will have to take your word for it, and have faith! :)

    Diane - I understand totally! I wish I had been born athletically inclined but I just wasn't.

    Teena - I will try. If I don't say anything in a long time, you will know why.

    Cathy - I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been successful at all if I tried this when my kids were little!

    Pearl - Yeah, it used to be the tummy bulge, but then it moved north which concerns me because they talk about that being a contributor to heart disease. Yikes!

    Shelagh - The puppy story is SO cute! And the cats well, they can be quite rude, can't they?

    Lavender - I'm sure I would find a difficulty even if it wasn't the breathing thing or the cats. I'm good at that!

    Thanks for the encouragement!

  8. Oh cripes I was cracking up at the cat part! That's me with kids, haha. ...Only my yoga dvd is well buried under eight million kid movies...and I'm having vanilla wafers for breakfast. Totally joining you soon, I swear. Thanks for the inspiration. Keep us updated!

  9. Ahhhh, you said it so well...I use to feel somewhat attractive.

    But it important to keep your "qi" moving...for your health, but you know that.

    It's so hard to age...I HATE IT! I'm right there with ya sista! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it....

  10. Sistren BetteJo,

    I think we should hold cyber-hands on this fitness journey.

    I am on the far side of half century and feel so weak now. Before I broke my ankle I was doing 55-60 minutes of cardio with high intensity intervals and 15-20 minutes of weight training four to five day a week. (We have a gym underneath the house.)

    I was and still am overweight by insurance actuarial charts, but I WAS FIT! I could dance for hours without having to rest. Now, just getting from one end of the house to the other on my crutches leaves me trembling.

    I always had low blood pressure readings, but now, since I haven't exercised since last November, my blood pressure has gone up and I have been told to GO EASY ON THE EXERCISE so I don't raise my blood pressure dangerously high. So how am I supposed to gain back my stamina and endurance if I can't even exercise for ten straight minutes? AAAARRRRRGGGHHHH! Can you sense my frustration?

    And of course we knew that was you in the picture. Did you think the long brown hair would fool us?

    Bless Up,
    Lady Roots

  11. I had similar in I was lying on the floor trying to do sit ups... my eyes closed and next thing I know a dogs tongue was up my nose ---- ummmmmmm......